


Strongest Weakness

by ChElFi



Series: The Shape of Us [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Romance, Sequel, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-09 10:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1978689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChElFi/pseuds/ChElFi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is slowly becoming aware that he has somehow let love become his Achilles heel. (Yeah, I suck at descriptions, but I bet real authors hire someone to write their jacket blurbs. :D) My headcanon, therefore a/u.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [All This Time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1682159) by [ChElFi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChElFi/pseuds/ChElFi). 
  * Inspired by [The Pool](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1707659) by [ChElFi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChElFi/pseuds/ChElFi). 



> A/N: I hate making up titles and usually try to draw them from songs. This title, if you know the song by Wynona, has nothing to do with the story, but it was the only thing I could come up with besides "Demons," and, as much as I love that song, it's title is currently overused.
> 
> The second thing I hate is story descriptions. I hope the one above isn't too dorky. :D
> 
> The reader should note that this is a sequel to my story, All This Time. It would be a good idea to read that first since most of this won't make any sense without it. Also, the one-shot "The Pool" is referenced here, and at least one other time in the story.
> 
> Please note, as well, this does not take place within MCU or Comicbook canon. It's somewhat compliant up to TWS because I started the series before that film was released. So, if you don't like A/U, well, you shouldn't watch the movies, just read the comics. ;)
> 
> Please R&R.

_"Everyone has their weak spot. The one thing that...will always bring you to your knees, regardless of how strong you are otherwise" - Dessen._

Steve was in that place between sleeping and waking, where everything was always as it should be, and none of the terrible things had happened. In the first year, or so, after waking in New York, he was sharing the dance with Peggy he never had, surrounded by the friends who had long since passed. At the end of the dance he would lean down to kiss her, but, to his misery, he would always wake just before their lips met. Then, something changed. One night he got that kiss but when he pulled away it wasn't Peggy smiling at him, it was Maria. After that, Peggy rarely visited him in any dreams.

For the past six months, the place had been occupied by the hope that what was happening with Maria wasn't real at all. In this space he would find himself with Maria wrapped in his arms as they woke together, he would kiss the top of her head and say, "Maria, I just had the worst nightmare."

"Really? I was hoping that sleeping with me would produce pleasant dreams."

Steve's eyes shot open in a flash and he looked around him, then down at the woman in his arms wearing a sleepy grin and...

"Uh, Maria," he swallowed hard to fight the rising panic. "How did you get my shirt?"

She smiled and pulled herself up to kiss him gently.

"Relax, you've still got yours on," she said. "I stole this from you a long time ago."

"You did?"

He really wasn't sure what else to say. If anyone had told him yesterday that this morning he would wake in Maria's bed, with Maria in his arms, he would have considered them the biggest fool. But now he was here and he was the one feeling the fool. He kept opening his mouth to say something to her, but no words would come. Finally he shook his head and smiled, then leaned in to kiss her.

Deepening the kiss, he reveled in the way her lips felt against his, the way her body felt in his arms. He ran one hand up her back into her hair and pressed himself against her. He didn't think he could get close enough to her. He felt as if in this moment he could, and wanted to, forget everything. Who he was. Who she was. SHIELD. The Avengers. The past and future. Nothing mattered more than this one moment.

Slowly, though, he noticed his physical reaction to her and knew he needed to cool things down. He cupped her face with one hand and pulled back, then worked to catch his breath.

"This is dangerous," he said.

"Yes, it is," she agreed.

He looked into her eyes and smiled at what he saw there. Her trust in him, her care for him, had returned to them and Steve thought that if he died in this moment, he would have had everything he ever needed.

She touched his face gently and smiled.

"I love you too much to make you do something I know you're uncomfortable doing," she said.

For the second time since he awoke, Steve found himself rendered speechless. He wanted to say something, anything, to tell her how happy he was to hear those words from her. But no words came to mind, nothing he could think to say could adequately convey his feelings. So he just smiled a surprised smile at her.

After a few moments, her demeanor changed, but before Steve could ask what was wrong, Maria said, "I'm sorry."

Steve was confused for a second and replayed the events of the morning to figure out what she was sorry for.

"For making me the happiest I've ever been?" he asked, unable to land on anything significant.

She shook her head, her face becoming more serious as a sadness crept into her eyes.

"For what I've done to you these past months," she said.

"I don't care about that anymore," he told her, but she only shook her head at him again.

"It's important that we deal with this if we are going to move on," she said. "I can't let you sweep it under the rug. I'm glad you are happy, but you haven't been because I've been such a b-."

Steve put his hand quickly on her lips and shook his head vigorously.

"Not even you can use that word to describe yourself," he said, and tried to be as stern as he could considering the level of contentment he had recently achieved.

She smiled at him again.

"I really do love you, Steve," she said, as she kissed his palm before he moved his hand away from her face.

He turned onto his side, keeping her next to him wrapped in one arm and propping himself up on the elbow of the other.

"I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to say that now," he told her. "You know, I've always known you did."

She nodded to acknowledge that fact.

"I took advantage of that," she said. "I knew you wouldn't mind, so I kept it from you because..."

She paused, and Steve watched her war with her desire for self-protection.

"You don't have to tell me the reason," he said.

She looked up at him quickly, a brief question in her eyes before she could contain the shadow of doubt that had quickly flashed on her face.

"I want you to tell me," he assured her. "But only when you're ready. I want to know everything there is to know about you, but only when you want to tell me."

"I was so stupid," she said, as moisture filled her eyes.

Despite the closeness of their relationship it was a rare thing for Maria to cry in front of him. Steve could still count on one hand the times she had, including the previous night.

She buried her head in his chest and he held her and stroked her hair.

"I was so afraid, so I ran," she whispered. "I should have told you, but by the time I came to my senses I knew you'd never want me back."

She pulled back and looked at him. He wiped his thumb across her cheek to dry her tears.

"I should have known you weren't like other people," she said.

"In that I love you more than any other possibly can, yes," Steve said. "But I'm not perfect. I still make huge mistakes. Like, well, like the other night."

He felt himself blush in embarrassment as he thought how he had lost all sense of reason and knocked her out using a pressure point just so she wouldn't go to her boyfriend.

"It was my fault, I drove you to it," Maria said.

"No," Steve said firmly. "Never blame yourself for someone's wrong actions toward you. I was really out of control by that time."

He felt himself grow warm again, thinking about that night.

"Even when you kissed me?" she asked, a smile starting on her face. "Because that felt very controlled."

Steve surprised even himself by issuing a growl and burying his face in her neck. He spoke to her between the slow kisses he laid along the column of her neck.

"Do you have any idea what kissing you does to me?" he asked, his voice husky with the desire he forced himself to control.

"Not exactly," she laughed, and Steve thought it was the most beautiful thing he had heard in ages.

He raised his head so he could see her smile and she kissed him.

When she pulled away, she rubbed his face with the back of her fingers.

"But I look forward to finding out one day."

Steve stared at her as the meaning of her words sank in. Then he smiled and felt his own eyes tear up as he pulled her into his embrace.

A knock at the door broke the moment and Steve yelled at the offending party.

"Go away."

Maria gasped, "Steve, you're not supposed to be here, you know."

He just laughed and kissed her.

Another knock and Bruce's voice came through the door.

"Everything alright, Maria?"

"Banner, I thought you were a genius," Steve yelled again.

Maria was trying, and failing, to control her laughter.

"How can you not understand what 'go away' means?" he finished through his own laughter.

"Damn it, Rogers," Tony's voice came through the door now. "Zip up your pants. We have work to do."

Steve bit his tongue, he wasn't laughing now. He thought of a few thing he wanted to do and say to Tony right then, but before he could act on them he felt Maria touch his lips with her finger. He looked at her and she cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Want me to go out there and defend your honor?" she asked, the smirk on her face so much like the old days it caused his insides to twist.

He looked at the door and pretended to think about it until she playfully slapped his arm and started to extricate herself from his embrace.

He mock whined and she laughed.

"Come on, soldier," Maria said, pulling at his hand to get him out of her bed.

He slowly obeyed, then, watching her watch him out of the corner of his eye, he grabbed his shoes and put them on. He walked toward the door and waited for her. Leaning down, he gave her as brief a kiss as he could manage.

He was about to open the door when Maria grabbed his arm. He wondered if there was any way to stall the others, or maybe make up some lame order just to get them to go away so he could spend more time with her.

But when he turned back to Maria her face was serious so he forced himself to sober.

"Steve, I wouldn't have gone the other night," Maria informed him. "With Matt, I mean. After you showed up, I couldn't. I knew you were serious and that I was being foolish."

Steve thought about her words a moment, then the guilt of what he did began to weigh upon him.

"Don't feel bad about what happened," she said. "We'll work that out later. I just wanted you to know that you showing up that night, trying to get me to stay away from him, was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me."

Steve thought of all the suffering he knew she'd gone through in her life. It hurt him to think that his kindness was something she'd known so rarely.

He touched her face and pressed his lips to hers again.

"Oh, for crying out loud," they heard Tony from outside. "If you two don't stop lip-locking."

Quickly, Steve pulled away and opened the door. He came face to face with Ironman. Pushing him aside, he stepped out of Maria's quarters into the gawking view of the other Avengers.

He stared at them a moment, trying to assess their varying degrees of surprise. He was momentarily stunned that he'd apparently surprised even Black Widow, who raised her eyebrows and ran her eyes up and down him, and Steve found himself dealing with the irrational fear that his fly might be open. He didn't want them to get even more of the wrong impression.

Clearing his throat he began to walk across the open courtyard to his own quarters. He was half-way there when he heard Maria whistle behind him, an odd act in itself, but when he turned she was standing in her door in what appeared to be only his t-shirt, and holding his uniform shirt in her hand.

"You forgot something, soldier," she said, her voice conveying things that he normally tried to not think about, and he felt the heat of embarrassment rise on his face.

He walked back through his teammates to take the shirt from her.

"What are you doing?" he whispered, more than a little confused by her behavior.

"Staking my claim," she said, with her sly smile, then she tilted her head to indicate a spot behind him.

Steve turned and looked.

More than a few women from the base had gathered and were watching him. This wasn't the first time it had happened. But this was the first time Maria had openly acknowledged their relationship in a physical way. He knew that the attention he constantly received from other women had always put her on edge. He'd always thought her too private a person to do what she had just done. But as he weighed all he'd learned of her in the past few days he realized that maybe it was more that she had been too insecure in their relationship. Steve considered the implication of her act for a moment, then smiled and turned to her.

"Well, let's make sure they really get the idea," he told her, playing along with her game, and enjoying every second of it.

He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her close as he lowered his lips to hers for a slow kiss.

Behind him he heard Tony groan and mumble something about puking up his breakfast.

Finally, he allowed reason have its way with him and he pulled away. They really were here to do a job, after all.

"I love you," he told her.

She smiled up at him, "I love you, too."

He turned, and walked back to his quarters, slinging his shirt over his shoulder and whistling a tune he'd learned years before. As he approached the door, he turned back to his friends. He could see Maria behind them, still standing in the doorway. He smiled at her, then turned to Clint.

"Don't worry, Barton," he said. "You're still going to win the pool."

Steve laughed as that garnered raised eyebrows and wide eyes from the whole group, and an expletive from Stark, who was still hiding behind his Ironman mask.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for all the reads, likes, follows, and, especially, reviews. :)
> 
> A little more background before we get into putting arrows into eyes and blowing things to smithereens.

 

The day seemed long and arduous to Steve. Helping with reparations was definitely something he could deal with, but people's animosity toward him for something he had no control over had always bothered him. Worse, though, was what he had heard from Tony about Maria's meetings with local government officials.

Stark had easily hacked the city's communication lines and had just as easily placed listening devices into offices and meeting rooms. It was hard for Steve to argue against the violations with Maria getting nowhere with the locals, according to Tony. They weren't just giving her the run around, they were openly hostile. Steve wasn't sure if they were aware Maria had been over-seeing the operation, but she was certainly bearing the brunt of their castigation.

And, so far, they had nothing. Either no one on the local level had known about the Hydra cell, not entirely implausible, or they were keeping a tight lid on it. Steve left Tony, Clint, and Natasha to that, while he and Bruce dealt with the civilian population. This was definitely the easier job for Bruce and himself. Even with some hostility from the locals, they'd both rather deal one-on-one with people, and neither wanted to deal with politicians at all.

At the end of the day Steve and Bruce headed to Maria's quarters. Despite her actions that morning, Steve suddenly found himself nervous about facing Maria. He hadn't realized he'd slowed his steps, then stopped entirely, until Bruce stood before him with a questioning look on his face.

Steve shook off his fears then stepped around Bruce to continue to the room.

Knocking, he heard Maria tell them to enter. Inside they found Tony had already arrived. He was seated on the edge of the bed but stood when Steve walked in.

"I suppose this is your spot," Tony told him with a smirk.

Steve rolled his eyes, then looked over at Maria who was seated in the room's only chair, scrolling through information on her tablet. She hadn't looked up when he came in and Steve tried not to read anything into her actions. They were working and there were others on the team present, he couldn't expect her to allow herself to be distracted. Still, Steve didn't walk over and stand beside her as he used to before their break-up, choosing instead to lean against the wall on the other side of the room.

There was another knock and Maria responded without taking her eyes from her pad. Clint stepped in and the dark look in the archer's eyes told Steve that Natasha wouldn't be joining them. Barton glanced up at him, furrowed his eyebrows, then turned his eyes to Maria and back to Steve. The hard look he gave Steve confused him until the archer stepped over beside Maria and Steve realized that he, Tony, and Bruce were all on the opposite side of the room.

Steve chastised himself inwardly. Maria would have noticed that immediately. She was always aware of her surroundings. Feeling the weight of his guilt, Steve pushed off the wall then walked over to the bed and sat down facing her. He could see her face clearly now that he was on her level and the stress in her eyes reminded him that she had far more at stake here.

"Stark," she said, not raising her eyes, but indicating she wanted his report.

Tony told her basically the same as he'd told Steve earlier, there was essentially nothing, but he was running backgrounds and financials on a few people who might be suspect.

"Dirk Beringer?" Clint asked.

The team looked at Clint, and Maria turned away from her tablet, finally.

"Natasha got a tip," he explained, and the look Steve caught briefly in the archer's eyes told the super soldier he didn't want to know how the Black Widow got that information.

Tony pulled out his phone and Maria returned to her tablet to type the name in, while Clint continued.

"He owns a steelworks plant on the other side of town," he said. "Natasha heard his trucks had been seen making deliveries to the base. Whether or not he knew it was HYDRA remains to be seen."

"Is that where Natasha is now?" Maria asked, looking back up at Clint.

He gave a brief nod and Steve felt a deep sympathy for his friend because he doubted Natasha planned on beating it out of the man.

"Well, I'll get on that," Tony interrupted Steve's thoughts.

Maria dismissed the team and turned back to her work. Steve rose and followed the other men to the door, then shut it behind them. He locked it then turned back to her. She kept her eyes focused on the tablet but Steve could see the tension in her shoulders. It was then he noticed her eyes were not moving at all. She was not reading the screen, only using it as an excuse not to look up at him.

Softly he walked over then knelt before her. He reached up and pried her fingers from the pad. She still didn't move as he set it on the bedside table. Steve really wasn't sure what to say so he tugged at her hands until she allowed herself to be pulled onto the floor and into his lap. As she leaned into him, Steve felt himself relax for the first time since he'd left her this morning. Smiling, he placed a kiss on the top of her head then he gave into his almost constant urge and started to pull the pins out of her bun. It had been so long since he'd had the pleasure that it was difficult to fight his reaction, but this moment had to be about Maria, about helping her through her guilt and grief.

Finally, all the pins were removed and Maria's hair fell down and into his hand. She sighed as he ran his fingers through her hair and Steve thought he could feel the pressure of the ring he'd kept in his pocket for the past six months increase. She'd sounded that morning as if she was definitely open to the idea of getting engaged, but Steve knew now was not the time to ask. Now was the time to comfort her, to remind her that she never had to be alone again.

She pulled away to look at him and he took the opportunity to gently kiss her lips. It was such a thrill to feel her return it, but he resisted his desire to deepen the kiss. Slowly he pulled back and she rested her forehead to his.

"I love you so much," he whispered.

Maria placed a hand on his chest then slid it up to his collar, causing him to shudder. But her hand rested there and she began to fiddle with it, which Steve knew indicated she was nervous about what she would say next.

"I'm sorry," she finally said.

Steve reached his hand to hers and pulled it up to kiss.

"I think there's enough blame to go around right now," he told her, but she shook her head.

"I shouldn't have run," she told him. "I should have told you."

She stopped and Steve waited for her to get enough control of her emotions to go on.

"I just didn't think you could still," she paused again.

Steve had never seen her struggle to communicate something before. He pulled her back into his embrace and rested his cheek on the top of her head.

"You don't have to tell me tonight," he said.

He felt her shake her head.

"I owe you an explanation," she said softly, and Steve could tell by the tone of her voice that she was close to tears.

It was a testament to how hard the past several days had been that she'd broken down in front of him so often and that she had reached that point again.

She removed herself from his arms and stood then turned away from him. He knew it was not easy for her to show her emotions even to him so he waited as she pulled herself together out of respect for her. They would have a lifetime together during which Steve would help her learn to feel comfortable sharing everything with him.

"I want to tell you," she said, breaking the silence and turning back to him. "I just don't know how. I've never talked about it before."

"Then maybe we should wait until we get back to New York and have more time," Steve suggested as he stood.

"You're sure?" she asked, and her voice seemed so small to Steve, so lacking in the confidence he loved.

He walked over to her and took her hands in his.

"There's a lot going on right now," he said. "When we get back we can take more time to talk."

She looked up at him and allowed herself a flash of a smile in thanks. Then Steve took her in his arms again.

"I love you," she said.

A sense of happiness came over Steve then like he'd never known. He leaned back and looked at her and this time she gave him a real smile.

He took her hand and pulled her to the bed. She cocked a surprised eyebrow at him.

"Oh, don't you go thinking like Stark, now," he chuckled at her. "I just want to hold you and this is the only comfortable place. I think my legs were going to fall asleep on the floor earlier."

"I think my whole body might fall asleep," Maria said, and she yawned as if for emphasis.

"Sounds very good to me," he told her, as he pulled her down onto the bed with him. "I'll stay with you until you do."

As she lay down next to him, Steve reached up and began to run his fingers through her hair again. Maria used to call it his hair fetish and he supposed it was true. He had always had a need to pull her hair down, to bury his fingers deep inside, to feel her relax against him as he seemingly soothed the tension out of her as he pulled the knots from her hair. And the fact that she had reacted the first time exactly the way he had imagined only encouraged him. It wasn't until he'd let his curiosity get the best of him one time and read a romance novel he'd found on a break room bookshelf at SHIELD one day, that he'd learned how intimate an act this was. By then, however, he couldn't stop himself, but he'd never allowed it to go further.

Tonight, though, with the pressure of the ring in his pocket, and his hope for their future renewed, he found it to be more of a struggle. He felt her hand splayed across his chest and it seemed heavier than usual. His other arm was wrapped around her back and resting on her hip and he started to feel an urge to slip it lower, to feel what the rest of her body felt like. Part of his mind, the part he kept under tight control 99% of the time, reminded him that it wasn't as if it would be her first time, and that he probably wouldn't be forcing her into anything thing she didn't want herself.

Fortunately the rest of his mind took over, reminding him of her fears that she had shared with him the previous night. And Steve realized that it was more than just his morals that had to force him to delay his gratification, Maria had to be entirely secure in their relationship. He couldn't just take what he wanted, what society now dictated to practically be his right, without giving her everything she needed first.

And to that end, he had some unfinished business to attend to.

"There is something I need to deal with," he said.

"It's OK," she said. "You don't have to right now."

"Yes, I do," Steve told her, and he took a deep breath to steel himself.

He was still so repulsed at himself for his behavior the other night in her apartment. He knew Maria made him crazy, but it had always been directed toward other people, people who had hurt her or threatened her.

"I should have given you the choice, not taken it from you," he said. "I was so afraid he was hurting you and I couldn't handle the thought anymore."

He stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath to calm himself.

"I should have found another way," he confessed. "I'm sorry."

He felt Maria put her arm around his chest and pull herself even closer to him. He honestly couldn't remember when anything had felt so good to him. He moved his hand from her hair and began to rub her arm as it lay across his chest.

"I've missed you," he whispered, before his emotions shut off any ability to speak.

They lay together, and Steve relaxed, and before he knew it, he had drifted off to sleep.

After what seemed minutes, Steve's eyes fluttered open. He was on his side, with Maria wrapped in his arms. She smiled at him.

"You know," she said, as she leaned in to kiss him. "I could get used to this."

He returned her kiss as he slid his hand up her back and into her hair. He used his other hand to pull her more closely to him as he deepened the kiss. Maria moaned against his lips and Steve tried to control his reaction. He slowed the kiss, then pulled back to look at her again. After a moment, her words registered with him.

"Get used to what?" he asked.

"Waking in your arms every morning," she smiled.

Steve was suddenly aware that the light in Maria's room was not from the lamp, but from the sun. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing coherent came to mind. Instead he shook his head.

She laughed at him and he couldn't help but smile.

Finally, he said, "Yeah, I could get used to this, too."

He looked at her for a moment, took in every feature of her smiling face. This was definitely what he wanted every morning for the rest of his life.

Steve sat up and thought about putting his hand into his pocket to pull out the ring when a knock on the door intruded on his thoughts.

They both stared at the door for a moment, neither wanting to end things here.

The person knocked again and this time called out.

"Maria, are you in there," a soft voice came through the door.

Maria jumped up and walked quickly to the door, opening it to reveal Natasha. Both Natasha and Steve openly gaped at each other, though for completely different reasons. And Natasha recovered first. Maria ushered her to the bed, then grabbed the first aid kit next to the sink.

"What happened to you?" Steve asked.

Natasha had obviously had a rough go of it. She had cuts and abrasions on her knees and hands, as if she had fallen, but the bruise on her face was recognizable to Steve as from a fist.

"Let's just say the mark and his friends like to play a little rougher than I'm used to these days," Natasha told them with an unaffected look.

"Ambush?" Maria asked as she cleaned the cuts on Natasha's legs with antiseptic wipes.

Natasha shook her head.

"More like skulking," she said.

Maria gave her a questioning look.

"I think they had cameras on him," Natasha told them. "I had him in the bedroom."

Steve felt his face grow warm and cleared his throat.

"Maybe I should step outside," he interrupted.

"Nothing happened, Steve," Natasha said. "I pulled out a tranq and was about to tap him when three guys burst into the room."

"Where'd they come from?" asked Maria.

"Tranq?" Steve asked at the same time.

"Yes," Natasha told him. "It's less messy than outright torture."

She gave him an amused look.

"Why? How did you think I got my information?"

Then she smirked as Steve blushed all the way to his collar.

"Can we get back to the matter at hand?" Maria said, all business.

And Steve was glad she was there, it helped him maintain his composure.

"I don't know where they were from," she said. "But I'm fairly certain they were HYDRA. They were too good to be organized crime."

Steve let out a slow breath. HYDRA would know SHIELD was on to them now. He wondered if they would clean house or just cut their losses.

"Three guys did this to you?" Maria asked, moving on to the cut on Natasha's arm.

"No," she said. "I left them in the bedroom, but there was a unit waiting for me when I jumped out the window."

"No time to open it, I suppose?" Maria asked, dryly.

Natasha shook her head, then smirked.

"Closed window is more dramatic," she told them.

Steve laughed lightly.

"I'm going to get Barton," he told them.

"No," they said in unison.

Steve paused.

"Why not?" he asked slowly.

"I don't want him to see me like this," Natasha said, and Steve was almost certain the assassin's cheeks took on a pink tinge.

"OK," he said. "We'll just leave from his place. He won't have to see you. I'll relay the information."

"Stark?" Maria asked.

"Have him on standby," Steve said. "I just want to observe right now. No need to pull in everyone unless we have to engage."

He stared at her for a moment, suddenly wishing he'd had time to tell her more before they'd been interrupted. But she raised a questioning eyebrow and he shook himself out of his thoughts.

"Debrief Romanoff and have Banner and Stark ready in case Barton and I need back up," he said. "Then follow the rest of the day's plans as you had scheduled. Maybe you'll catch something today."

She nodded, all business, and Steve tried not to regret not being able to do more than return the nod.

Steve walked across to Clint's quarters and rapped on the door. When Clint opened it he looked Steve over then smiled a huge grin that surprised Steve.

"You might want to have Maria get an iron and keep it in her quarters so you can at least not look like you slept in your clothes," he said.

Steve felt himself turning slightly red as he glanced down and took in his own appearance.

"Yeah, um, well, I *did* sleep in them," he said, and looked back at Clint.

The man had an unreadable look on his face as he said. "Yeah, I know."

And Steve realized that he did know, and that he understood. Since Steve had awoken in this new world he had wondered if there was anyone left who know what self-restraint even was, what it was to force oneself to delay gratification. It seemed to him that everyone was running around demanding all their needs and wants be met in an instant, no one wanted to work for anything anymore, no one could tolerate waiting for anything.

But now Steve knew that Clint was nothing if not self-controlled. As Clint ushered him into his room, Steve couldn't help but wonder exactly how long the man had been forced to watch as the woman he loved did things like she'd done last night. If it was Steve, he didn't think he could take that.

"Natasha's back," Steve said, but Clint was guarded and betrayed no reaction, only nodded.

"She ran into a bit of resistance last night or early this morning," he continued.

"She OK?" Barton asked, and Steve nodded.

"I wanted to go take a look and could use some good eyes," he said.

Clint simply nodded and Steve left to change.

They met up outside Steve's quarters then set off on foot to the location Natasha gave him. Steve preferred to do this sort of reconnaissance with Clint because Tony's inane chatter, while amusing at other times, could get distracting. He didn't need any outside distractions today, he had enough on his mind. He wondered how Clint was going to react to Natasha's injuries, not something he had thought too much about previously. And he wondered how he'd missed Clint's feelings for her. Of course, Steve wasn't much of a spy, he preferred his fight right in his face. He thought now that this was why he'd missed all the cues from Maria leading up to their breakup. As he considered that time he thought he noticed a slight change a year earlier. He couldn't figure out exactly what it was that triggered it, but around Christmas she had started to act slightly different. And, he realized now, she would sometimes come to work and he'd notice she hadn't had much sleep. She would shrug it off as stress and he'd try to help her later, but, in hindsight, he could see she had started to put distance between them.

He felt Hawkeye's hand pull out to stop him and Steve paused their trek through the woods to listen, but Clint stopped and looked up at him.

"How bad was it?" he asked. "Really."

"Natasha's wounds?" Steve clarified, and Barton nodded.

Steve hesitated. They were headed to the man's house now, he wasn't sure what Barton would do once they arrived.

"Nothing life threatening, I don't think," Steve said.

"Then why'd it take her so long to come back?" Clint asked.

Steve shook his head, he hadn't asked. He left that to Maria.

"Maria's debriefing her," he told Clint. "I wanted to get moving on this before everything went cold."

Clint nodded in understanding, then turned to start back on their hike.

"Barton," Steve called to him. "You're not going to do anything, right?"

Clint turned and cocked his head in question.

"This is just recon," Steve reminded him. "We're not going there to draw blood."

Clint chuckled quietly and shook his head.

"Don't worry, Cap," he assured him. "I won't put an arrow in his eye unless I'm ordered."

Then he turned away and mumbled, though, with his serum-enhanced hearing, Steve could hear him as if he was saying it right to him.

"I'm not some young hot-head."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: OK, so I'm trying an idea I read on a writing blog last week about writing your action story backwards. So far it's going much better than trying to write it forward. It caught my eye because I already knew how I wanted to story to end, I was just having trouble figuring out how to get there from here. Now I have the last two chapters mostly done, and the epilogue completely done. I still have no idea exactly how many chapters it will be.
> 
> Also, I will be posting a different story this weekend and will be taking writing prompts for it. So if you are an Avengers and How I Met Your Mother fan (or if you were a HIWYM fan before the series finale ;)) watch for it. I would say "wait for it" but I'm not really sure how legendary it will be. :)


	3. Chapter 3

As Steve and Clint approached the residence, Steve sent the archer up into the trees to keep watch, while he skirted the perimeter. He stayed far enough away that he hoped he wouldn't trip any alarms

"Seven o'clock, Cap," Barton's voice came quietly through the com.

Steve waited until he heard the approach before turning and dealing with the guard. It took only seconds to subdue the man and take his weapons. Steve thought it was strange that he hadn't fired on him.

"Does it look like back-up's coming?" he asked Clint.

"Negative," he replied.

Steve wondered why the guard hadn't notified anyone else. He couldn't imagine HYDRA had only one guard out here, even if they were clearing out. He continued cautiously around the back of the property until he saw activity near some cellar doors. Men were removing boxes from under the house and loading them into a nearby truck. Steve shook his head at HYDRA's clichéd use of an underground hide out.

Steve switched to the group comm to notify Stark that they would need him after all, but to leave Banner.

"Front door or back door?" Stark asked.

Steve could hear the Ironman suit forming to Tony's body in the background.

"You take the front, I'm already in the back," Steve replied.

"Barton," he called quietly over the com. "Can you head round back to pick off anyone that gets past me?"

"Roger that," he replied. "Dead or alive?"

"It's HYDRA, I think we'll go with dead or seriously incapacitated."

Then Steve started toward the side that looked like the best escape route from the back, knowing that when Ironman showed up, they'd scatter.

"Hostile, at your 4 o'clock," Barton's voice came again.

Steve listened and heard the sounds of someone coming through the brush. Now Steve was more confused. The activity near the house hadn't changed at all, no increased sense of urgency, no glances toward the woods around the house. It was as if they had no idea he was there.

"Want me to take him?" Clint asked.

"Silently," Steve said.

"Of course," Steve could hear the smirk in Clint's voice.

Then he heard the release of Hawkeye's arrow, a dull thud as it impaled the HYDRA guard, and the drop of the guard's body to the ground.

Before Steve could wonder much more about the activity around the house, Stark arrived and then chaos really erupted. Ironman disabled the freight truck with a showy explosion, then tried to herd the HYDRA members toward Steve and Clint. A few ran their direction and they dealt with them easily, but several returned to the cellar.

After Tony scanned the area using his suit to make sure there were no enemies outside the premises he joined Steve and Clint, the latter having leaped from a nearly 20 foot high branch to land softly next to Steve causing the super soldier to wonder again at Barton's almost inhuman abilities.

"Going in, Cap?" Tony inquired.

Steve shook his head.

"Let's just smoke them out," he said.

Going into the cellar like that would be akin to walking into a kill box and there was no need to risk themselves in a firefight that could be avoided.

Tony nodded then turned back to the house, he raised his arm and Steve heard the Ironman suit prepare to fire a smoke grenade, then he felt the heat of a massive explosion as the three of them were thrown back into the forest surrounding the house.

Steve's first concern was for Barton, who had neither body armor or healing abilities, and he called out to the archer.

"Yeah, I'm fine," came his muffled reply. "Or at least I will be when you get this giant tin can off me."

Steve ran over to where he heard Barton's voice. Tony was rolling off the man, the Ironman suit visibly damaged.

"This tin can saved your feathered ass," Tony grumbled, then stood and reached a hand down to Barton to help him up.

"You two OK?" Steve asked them.

They both nodded then the group turned back to view the crater where the house used to be. As Steve surveyed the area he could see exactly how lucky the three of them had been. Wood and debris from the house had impaled many of the surrounding trees. It could have been them. He cast a sideways glance at Clint. It definitely might have been Barton if Tony hadn't been standing in just the right place to block the force and debris of the explosion. He had a feeling that despite Clint's belief that Natasha didn't return his feelings, Steve would have had a difficult time explaining that to the Black Widow.

* * *

"The cleanup crew didn't find much more than pieces," Maria said, and Steve grimaced knowing that by pieces she meant body as well as building. "We're questioning the survivors you'd left before the explosion."

"I wonder if it was intentional or if someone set it remotely," Tony pondered aloud. "Most of the HYDRA lackeys we've dealt with over the years haven't been that devoted to the cause. They tend to give it up with a few well-placed threats."

"I wonder why the guards never notified base camp that Steve was right outside," Barton spoke up with the question that had been burning in Steve's mind.

They were in Maria's quarters again, going over the mission report. All eyes were turned to the archer.

"It just didn't make any sense that Captain America is in your backyard in full uniform and no one reports it," he finished.

There was silence for a moment as Maria shook her head and entered the thought into the report on her tablet before looking back up at them.

"There's not a whole lot more you can do here," she told them. "Fury's recalling you. ETD 0700. We'll send in a ground team to deal with any residual."

With that, they knew they were dismissed and began to file out. Steve noted with a slight smile Clint's subtle attention to Natasha, staying closer to her. He wasn't sure if it was due to jealousy over what had occurred the night before, or concern over the woman's injuries.

Tony was the last to leave and as Steve went to close the door behind him he turned back, a gleam in his eye that always made Steve nervous.

"I want a private briefing," he mock whined.

Maria raised her eyebrows at him.

"I honestly don't think Pepper would approve," she smirked.

Tony gave her an appreciative look for her comeback.

"Somebody's had her Wheaties today," he said, then turned to Steve.

"You sure nothing's going on here that would change Barton winning that bet?"

Steve instantly turned red, while Maria laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah," Stark said, sardonically. "I didn't think so. A pity."

"I think you can afford to lose," Steve reminded him.

"It's not about the money," Tony replied, straightening himself. "It's about the losing."

Steve huffed a laugh then pushed Tony out the door and shut it firmly, turning the lock as he sighed and shook his head.

He looked at Maria and she smiled and walked over to him, leaning against him and putting her arms around him. He relaxed into her embrace and kissed the top of her head. He had missed times like this so much.

"I'm so sorry, Steve," she said.

He was about to tell her that they were supposed to wait until they got back to New York for this talk, but she went on quickly.

"I should have trusted you," she said. "I fell in love with you because you weren't like anyone else I'd ever known. I should have believed that more."

She pulled away and looked at him. The regret in her eyes cut to Steve's heart.

"If anything had happened to you today," she started, but then she shuddered and Steve pulled her back into his embrace.

"Nothing did, though," he reminded her. "We're all OK."

He wanted to say something to reassure her that the past didn't matter to him, he just wanted to go on from this point. He would do anything to spare her pain, even the pain of guilt from the hurt she caused him.

"I ran from you because I thought that if I told you certain things about me, *you* would leave me," she said. "I was trying to protect myself."

Steve stared at the top of Maria's head. To say this surprised him would be an understatement.

"How did you protect yourself by pushing me away?" he asked, then he shifted away and put his hand on her chin to lift her face toward him.

She'd been alone, for the most part, or with Matt and who knew what kind of abuse he was committing against her. Steve just couldn't see how anything she had done could have been considered protecting herself.

When she looked back up at him, that sadness he'd seen their first day here had returned and it knocked the breath out of him. Finally she continued, her voice so sad Steve wasn't sure he could take it.

"Because I never had to hear you tell me you didn't want me, that I wasn't what you needed," she told him, then leaned back into him.

Steve was still confused at first. He tried to understand, tried to put the pieces together using everything he'd learned this past week, her conversation with Matt, the file Stark found, the things she'd said to him that night she was drunk, none of them fit in what he knew of the world. So he went back to her beginning. She had once said they were from two different worlds in more ways than one and now he realized what she'd meant. And that realization forced him to wrap his arms around her tightly.

He thought about when his father, then later, his mother, had died. He'd felt so alone, but he wasn't. He'd still had family and friends who cared for him. And his parents hadn't left intentionally, he'd always known that if they'd had a choice, they would have remained with him. Not so for Maria, she had grown up knowing her parents didn't want her, didn't care for her in the slightest. He wondered how many times she'd heard the words, "I never wanted you." Or "You're not good enough."

And then Steve wasn't sure whose emotions shook them more, hers or his.

"I will never say those things to you," he whispered through his tears. "I swear."

He pulled away so he could look at her and take her face in his hands.

He kissed her on the lips then said, "You're the only one I want, the only thing I need. If it wasn't for you, I don't even know where I'd be right now. Don't you know? Should I have been more plain? You're the only thing that got me through after New York, after the realization and acceptance that I really was alone, that I was never going to see anyone I had cared for again. If it hadn't been for you."

Steve stopped as his mind flashed back to those weeks sitting by Peggy's grave, trying to figure out what to do next. And he pulled Maria back into his arms and clung to her.

As he brought his emotions back under control, he lifted his hand to her hair and slowly removed all the pins, then the band, until her hair flowed down onto her shoulders. Pulling away, he looked at her again and smiled. She truly was the most beautiful woman he'd ever known. Even though there was so much sadness and remorse in her eyes, so much pain, and her face was stained by her tears, even there he saw her strength.

She didn't though, and Steve figured it was time to do something about that. He pulled her over to the bed and sat down, she sat next to him.

"You don't see yourself the way I see you," he smiled down at her. "The more I know of your pain the more I admire your strength. You've never let anything stop you. You always press on. That's what I see."

Her face showed surprise as she tried to process his words.

"I can't promise you I'll live forever, or that I'll never do anything stupid," he said, and could feel a blush of embarrassment come to his face as he thought of what had happened in her apartment.

"But I can promise you that I will always love you, and that, if we work together, we will make *us* work."

He smiled at her and decided he'd used enough words for one night and leaned in to kiss her slowly. He ran his hands smoothly up her arms then to her face. She turned her body to face him and straddled him, but this time there was no anger in her kiss, no attempt to use her body push him away, as there had been the previous week in her apartment. She sat back on his thighs and Steve shuddered as she placed her hands on his waist, then slowly drew them up his abdomen to his chest, where they lingered briefly, then she splayed them before she slid them to his neck and into his hair.

They kissed like that for several minutes. Steve didn't want it to end, he didn't want to go back to reality, back to his quarters where, he realized, he hadn't actually managed to sleep yet. He didn't want to leave, he wanted to wake up in her arms again in the morning, wanted her face to be the first face he saw, her voice to be the first voice he heard. Slowly, though, she pulled away and rested her forehead on his as they both caught their breath.

Maria leaned back and looked at him. The smile she had was the one he wanted to be responsible for putting onto her face every day. He had to swallow down his emotions before they took over again.

After a few moments, she moved to stand.

"Come on, soldier," she said. "You need to sleep in your own bed tonight."

"I need no such thing," he countered, and smiled mischievously at her.

She shook her head at him and laughed.

Then he was up next to her and pulling her back into his arms, nuzzling his face into her neck.

"What I need is a repeat of the last two nights," he told her. "Helps me sleep better."

She pushed him away and laughed.

"Soon enough," she said.

"No, never soon enough," he replied.

Then he stopped and looked at her, taking on a tone of mock seriousness.

"There's a chaplain here," he started, trying, and failing, to keep the mirth he felt from showing on his face.

"No way," she said. "I am not getting married in my SHIELD uniform."

"You don't have to get married in your SHIELD uniform," he assured her, pulling her back to him as she tried to get to the door to open it for him to leave.

He kissed her deeply, then slowly moved his lips to her neck.

"You have that nice t-shirt of mine you stole," he said, then laughed as she scoffed and pushed him away playfully.

They looked at each other for a moment, and Steve became aware that if he didn't leave now, he wouldn't leave at all, and she wouldn't need to sneak to steal the t-shirt he was wearing at that moment. It was just so good to feel this way again, to be this happy with her, to hear her laugh, and see her smile.

He took a fortifying breath as he pushed back his desire and began to formulate a plan to ask her to marry him again as soon as they returned home. Walking to the door he purposely opened it and turned back to her.

"See, I can be good," he said.

She smiled at him and walked to the door.

They stepped out onto the small stoop.

"It's a lot cooler out here," he said. "It was like a thousand degrees in your room."

Then he smiled knowingly at her and she rolled her eyes and smiled at him.

"Oh, before you go," she said. "I, uh,"

She hesitated and Steve took her hand in his to assure her.

"I'm flying to Munich in the morning," she informed him.

He questioned her with his look.

"The Hoefler's are being interred tomorrow," she said quietly, then looked away from him.

For a moment Steve was unsure what she meant, then he remember the young family that had been killed.

"Maria, you don't have to," he started, but she cut him off by placing her hand on his lips.

"Yes, I do," she said, and the conviction in her voice and eyes was enough to stop any argument from him.

"I'll go with you," he told her, as he lowered her hand away from his face.

Maria cocked an eyebrow and gave him an amused look.

"You'll stand out like a sore thumb," she said, and Steve knew he was right. He'd never really gained the ability to blend in like Maria and Natasha and even Barton could.

"Yeah, I kind of do, don't I," he said, and he grimaced.

"It's usually a good thing," she assured him.

He cupped her face, and started to lean in to kiss her.

"Be careful tomorrow," he said.

"STEVE!" they heard Bruce yell his name and before they could react they had been tackled to the ground, just as Steve heard metal hit wood, and splinters scattered down from the wall of Maria's room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, I hope that was OK for action. I need to read more action sequences so I can get better at it, I know. Anyway, first attempt, so hopefully it was good enough. :)
> 
> As a side note: My Avengers/HIWYM crossover will be a bi-weekly posting as opposed to my usual attempt at weekly. Writing humor is more difficult than writing action. Hopefully it will be worth the wait, though.
> 
> I think that's all for now. Have a great weekend.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, I hope you all enjoyed the previous three chapters of pleasant feelings. I think three chapters of that is a new record for me. I will now proceed to destroy all that. :D
> 
> Anyway, thanks for all the follows, faves, and reviews. Hope this one doesn't cause too much anguish...aw, who am I kidding? I hope I make you at least sniffle. :)
> 
> Please R&R

 

_"STEVE!" they heard Bruce yell his name and before they could react they had been tackled to the ground, just as Steve heard metal hit wood, and splinters scattered down from the wall of Maria's room._

Steve looked at Bruce and saw that he had already begun to transform. The doctor stood and quickly bounded across the area as he grew in size; with an earthshaking roar he was the Hulk and leaped over the buildings on the side Clint and Natasha were staying, going after whomever had fired on them.

Steve turned to see if Maria was OK, as he wondered briefly, how a sniper could have come up on them. He thought the base would be secure. He stood and offered her his hand, they were both down to business now. Clint and Natasha had come out of Natasha's room and were running toward them as Maria turned to Steve.

"You'd better go after him," she reminded him.

Steve nodded and was off across the grounds, chasing the Hulk, hoping to stop him before he did anything Bruce would regret.

The trail wasn't hard to follow, it wasn't usually. Fortunately, there were just brush and trees in this direction. And the Hulk hadn't gone far, apparently, before he found the shooter. Steve caught up with him shortly.

"Hulk," Steve called out.

The huge beast turned at Steve's voice. In one hand he held a man, in the other he held a rifle. Before Steve could stop him, Hulk crushed the rifle like a toothpick.

"No," Steve said. "That's all."

The Hulk yelled at the top of his lungs and Steve's ears were ringing by the time he was done.

"I understand," Steve assured him. "But we need him to tell us who sent him. I need you to give him to me."

He received a hulk-sized frown in his face, along with a snort of disgust.

"Please," Steve asked.

Steve wished he could appeal with his desire to save Banner from guilt, but he had learned quickly that one never mentioned Dr. Banner in front of the Hulk. Bruce had tried to explain the psychology behind the Hulk's dislike of his alter-ego, but it had never made sense to Steve. He knew, though, that he couldn't go that route, that he would have to somehow work through the Hulk himself.

"Give me the man," he requested, again.

The Hulk looked back at the compound, then back to Steve and, not for the first time, Steve tried in vain to discern what the creature was attempting to convey.

"He will pay for what he did back there," Steve said, guessing at the Hulk's meaning.

He held his breath and waited. Finally, after what seemed like an hour, but was only minutes, the Hulk set his captive on the ground. The man quickly backed away, but Hulk took one step, his foot landing perilously close to the sniper, who screeched. With a roar in his face, Hulk turned quickly and ran away from the compound.

Steve jerked the would-be assassin up by his arm and shoved him in the direction of the camp. As the two walked back, Steve had time to process what had almost happened. Judging from where the bullet had hit the wall, the sniper had his sites on the back of Steve's head, if Bruce hadn't been there, the killer would have been successful. Steve could survive a lot of things, but a bullet through the head wasn't one of them. However, that wasn't what bothered him most.

He was pulled from his thoughts as the sniper tripped and fell to the ground. Steve saw him grab two hands full of dirt to throw in his face, but Steve was faster and kicked the man back down before he had a chance to try for an escape. And that was all it took for Steve to snap. In his mind he could picture Maria's face if this man had been successful. All the suffering and pain she had been through in her life, that Steve couldn't take away, hadn't been there to protect her from, he couldn't let her suffer more. He wouldn't allow anyone to hurt her again.

He reached down and picked the man off the ground, but instead of setting him back to take him to the base, Steve threw him across the small clearing in which they stood. He heard the man holler in surprise, but it didn't affect Steve in the least. All he could see was the red of the fury that pulsed through his veins. Before the man could get back to his feet, Steve was on top of him. He lifted him and slammed him against the nearest tree.

"Who do you work for?" he yelled in the man's face.

The sniper's eyes were wide with fear, but he said nothing.

Steve shook him again, slamming him harder against the tree this time.

"Who sent you?" Steve screamed, as he brought one hand to the man's neck and slowly began to choke the air out of him.

In the back of his mind Steve registered a snap, then a hiss, followed by a light rush of wind next to his ear, and an arrow embedded itself in the tree above the sniper's head.

Turning quickly, Steve saw Hawkeye step out of the shadows.

"We need him alive, Barton," he admonished the archer, as the latter raised yet another arrow, notched in his bow.

"If I wanted to kill him, he'd be dead," Clint said, his voice calm but cold.

"What are you doing, then?" Steve asked.

"Step away from him, Captain," Clint commanded.

"What?" Steve responded in surprise.

"You heard me," Clint replied. "Step away. I'll take him the rest of the way."

Steve stared hard at the archer, but he didn't move. It was then that he realized that Clint's arrow was trained on him. Steve weighed his options as he looked at the arrow's tip. He knew he was fast and could dodge it, but to what end. Clint didn't understand. The pain this man would have put Maria through had he been successful was more than Steve could handle. He looked up into Clint's eyes, hoping to gauge how serious the archer was. And there he saw that he'd been wrong. Clint understood exactly what Steve was feeling. He thought about Natasha's appearance after the beating she'd taken last night. He remembered the pain he'd seen in Clint's eyes.

He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm. Dropping the man to the ground, Steve turned away.

"Take him," Steve said, realizing he couldn't trust himself alone in the sniper's presence.

He heard Clint command the man to get up and walk ahead of him. Then he listened to them walk through the brush and trees, back to the base. Waiting several minutes as his breathing returned to normal, Steve tried to wrap his mind around what he'd almost done, again.

This wasn't the first time he'd lost all sense of reason when he thought of someone hurting Maria. That time had been two years earlier. Maria had been abducted and for nearly two weeks they had no idea where she was. They finally caught a break and found someone they thought might have information. Before any SHIELD agent had a chance to interrogate the woman in question, Steve asked Fury if he could speak to her, then he'd gone to Sitwell to get him to cut the surveillance in the room.

_Walking into the room he didn't bothered to sit. He only stared her down._

_"You don't intimidate me," the woman had him. "You're Captain America. Your reputation precedes you."_

_Steve felt a cold smile come across his face that only increased when he watched an uncertain look flash across her face._

_"You have no idea what I'm capable of," he told her, and his voice was menacing enough that the prisoner began to shake._

_He walked over to the table and leaned across it, into her face._

_"Tell me where she is, or this will not end well for you," he said._

_"You won't do anything," she rebutted, but her voice was trembling._

_She indicated the camera with a nod of her head._

_Steve only smiled a wicked smile at her._

_"Surveillance is having technical difficulties," he said, leaning slightly closer._

_She swallowed, her eyes widening in fear._

_"I..I..," she stuttered. "I don't know where they have her."_

_"Who has her, then," he asked, not lessening the menace in his voice._

_The woman seemed to be weighing her options._

_"You wouldn't hurt a woman," she said, though it sounded to Steve as if she knew she was playing her last card._

_"You aren't a woman," he replied. "You're not even human."_

_Steve held her terrified gaze until she finally turned away and gave them Habib, the council member who had taken Maria._

_Steve took a deep calming breath as he turned and walked to the door, shaking the haze that had fallen on his mind since he'd heard of Maria's capture. Opening the door, he saw Sitwell waiting for him._

_He was about to tell him what their prisoner had said when he heard her voice behind him._

_"You're too late, anyway," she mocked._

_Steve stopped as the meaning of her words seeped into his heart, hardening it into a cold, hard mass. Later he would recall that it was as if at that moment everything around him had disappeared, that it was only him and this woman, no Sitwell, no walls, nothing._

He still wasn't sure what he would have done if Jasper hadn't pulled him out of it, and he'd realized that time was of the essence. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had assured himself that he'd deal with her later if her words were indeed true.

He hadn't thought of that moment again. But now, the realization of what he might have done weighed heavily down on him. What would he have done tonight if Clint hadn't shown up?

He let out a slow breath then turned to follow Hawkeye back to the base. When he arrived, he discovered Clint in the shadows outside his own room.

"Where's Maria?" Steve asked.

Clint gave him an unreadable look.

"She's interrogating the prisoner," he informed Steve.

Steve stared hard at Clint to let the man know his displeasure at that fact.

"Why didn't you do it?" he questioned harshly. "Or Stark, at least?"

"Stark went after Bruce with some clothes," Barton replied calmly, which for some reason only made Steve more angry. "And Maria is far better at interrogation than I am."

After one more hard look at Clint, Steve turned on his heal and headed to Maria's quarters.

"They're not in there," Clint called after him.

Steve turned back around.

"They're in here," Barton said, nodding to his own room.

Steve moved toward the door but caught Clint's sudden movement in the corner of his eye. When he turned, the archer had again raised an arrow to him.

"What do you think you're doing, Barton?" Steve spat.

"You're not going anywhere near that guy," Clint said.

Steve let out another long breath.

"Don't be ridiculous," Steve said. "I'm not going to let her be alone with him. Not after what he could have done to her."

Clint cocked an eyebrow, but he didn't lower his bow.

They stood that way until a sudden noise overhead announced the arrival of Ironman.

"What the hell, Barton?" Tony shouted as he popped open his helmet after landing in front of Steve.

Still, Clint didn't budge. Instead he continued to stare down Steve. Finally, Steve acquiesced.

"You win, Barton," he said, making sure the man knew his displeasure by his tone. "You let me know when she's done. And if anything happens to her, I swear to g-d."

He left the threat hanging and turned to head to his own room, ignoring the shocked look from Tony.

He slammed his door open, then shut. Sitting roughly on his bed, Steve finally realized that his hands were shaking when he when he tried to rest his head in them. Standing, he began to pace the small room.

He had to find a way to keep his mind off the fact that Maria was alone in that room with someone who gave no thought to the killing of another person, or the fallout from that action. Steve shuddered as he thought of what might have happened to Maria if the sniper had been successful. Who would be left to protect her? Who would be there to make up for all the pain she had suffered? Steve couldn't stand the thought of her being as alone as she had been all these years.

There was a knock on the door and Steve ripped it open, but was disappointed to see only Banner.

"What?" he asked, his voice rough with the emotions and fear he was trying to keep at bay.

"May I come in?" the doctor asked in his usual quiet voice.

Steve swallowed hard and bowed his head. Letting a slow breath out, he nodded and stood back. The situation wasn't Banner's fault. If it wasn't for him, but Steve stopped his thoughts from returning to where they had been only a moment earlier.

Shutting the door quietly behind Bruce, Steve offered him his hand.

"Thank you," he said, and he honestly couldn't remember when he'd been so grateful to a person.

Bruce took his hand, and looked meaningfully at Steve.

"You're not thanking me just for saving your life, are you."

It wasn't a question. Steve swallowed and shook his head.

"She's fine," Bruce continued, and Steve shot a questioning look at him.

"I checked on her before I came over here," he told him.

Steve only nodded his thanks.

They stood in the room, silently, for a few minutes, while Steve tried to reign in his frantic thoughts.

"What happened out there tonight?" Bruce finally asked.

Steve looked at him for a moment, weighing just how honest he should be with the man.

"I lost it," Steve confessed.

He stared across the room and focused on a knot in the wood paneling, willing himself to remain in control, forcing himself to not think about Maria, alone with the sniper. She could take care of herself, her tried to remind himself. It was one of the things he loved about her.

He turned to Bruce.

"I can't deal with the thought of anything bad happening to her, of anyone hurting her," he said simply.

Bruce nodded.

Steve sighed and walked over to lean his back against the wall next to the door. His mind was racing one hundred miles a minute just to keep himself from thinking about what might be happening in Barton's quarters.

"It hasn't always been like this," Bruce said, though Steve wasn't sure what he meant.

"You held it together during New York," the scientist explained.

Steve nodded.

"I didn't have the feelings for her then that I have now," Steve told him.

Bruce was silent for a minute, then continued.

"But this started up shortly after that," he stated.

Steve looked at him and wondered if everyone noticed.

"Clint told me," Bruce informed him.

Steve inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. He didn't know what business it was of Barton's.

"We're a team," Bruce said, as if he was reading Steve's thoughts. "We need to know our weak points as well as our strong."

"So this is a weakness," Steve said, and chuckled sardonically.

"It can be," Bruce replied.

Steve shook his head.

"I'll work on it," he told him.

"When?" Bruce asked.

"Why does it matter?"

"You're our team leader," Bruce reminded him. "We all need to know that you can keep your focus."

"Well pardon me for having feelings and emotions," he said, and glared at Banner.

To his credit, Banner remained calm, even though, in the back of his mind, Steve knew what he had said to the man was cruel, given Bruce's circumstance.

"The feelings and emotions aren't the problem," Bruce said. "It's the lack of control that's the problem."

Steve stared at him. He had already noticed his anger returning at the need to defend his feelings for Maria. Was the strain on the relationships within the team worth arguing this?

In the end, Steve just shook his head, then turned and opened the door to leave.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Bruce called after him.

Steve turned angrily.

"I'm not going to the interrogation," he barked.

"I know," Bruce said. "It's not a good idea to go back to Maria's quarters. It'll just make you more angry."

Steve felt his face flush with rage. He'd never had to have this discussion before. No one had ever questioned his defense of Maria. He'd kept her safe, he'd protected her, and no one should have a problem with that.

"Fine," he said, sharply. "I'm going for a run."

Bruce nodded, though his face told Steve that he wasn't sure about that idea either.

Turning toward Barton's room, he noted that the archer was still standing guard, though Natasha had joined him. Steve wanted to go and see how she was, but he didn't want to be near Clint at the moment. Instead, he turned and started to run toward the base gym.

He would have liked to have said he'd lost track of time in the workout. He'd run, he'd used the bag, or two, he'd pressed and lifted. He'd done every machine on the circuit, but still couldn't keep his eyes off the clock. Three hours, then four. He'd known Maria to work an entire day, or more, on an interrogation, and he'd never been bothered by it. But tonight his mind wasn't having any of it. Tonight the stress would not wash away until he saw her, until he knew she'd be safe.

When he'd been at the gym five hours, he gave up waiting and returned to their quarters. He saw the light on in Maria's room and noticed the door was open. He walked toward it, hoping she was finished. As he did, he heard her talking to someone. He drew closer and realized it was Natasha. He could hear their conversation clearly.

"I can't tell him what happened," he heard Maria say.

"He's going to find out, eventually," Natasha said. "Stark told me he's investigating Matt."

Steve felt five hours of stress relief at the gym leave his body as the rage began pounding its steady beat through his veins again.

"Stark's what?" Maria said, her voice one of surprise, and fear. "He can't. I have to tell him to stop."

"Maria," Natasha interrupted. "Don't be ridiculous, the guy's a dead beat, womanizing, wife beater."

Steve found he was barely able to breathe now. Natasha's words were all the evidence he needed. If they'd been in the states right now, he'd have gone to Matt and dealt with him once and for all.

"You don't understand," Maria said. "If Steve finds out."

She paused, and Steve waited impatiently for her next words.

"What?" Natasha asked.

Then, quietly, Maria confessed, "I'm afraid of what Steve might do to him."

Steve felt the frenzy of hatred toward Matt freeze as ice seemed to enter his veins at her words.

"What do you think he might do?" Natasha asked.

"Same thing he usually does," Maria replied.

"Is that a problem?" Natasha didn't sound like she thought it was.

Steve didn't hear the rest of the conversation. He turned and ran. Jumping the fence of the camp he headed into the mountains that surrounded the town and kept going until his lungs ached from the thin air. Only then did he drop to his knees and give voice to his pain. His anguish echoed around him, sounding off the high cliffs.

Falling the rest of the way to the ground, he turned onto his back and stared at the sky. It was filled with millions of stars he could never see in the city. But he couldn't enjoy it for a moment. Steve closed his eyes, desperately trying to shut out the words he'd heard Maria say in her quarters. Maria knew what real fear was, knew what it was to be afraid of the person who was supposed to protect her, care for her. And Steve had made her afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Don't worry, it gets worse. #sorrynotsorry
> 
> The two ends of my story have now converged. As I mentioned a while back I'm trying to write backwards so I have the last half of the story done, and now the first half as well. The next chapter is where those two have met and I have to probably rewrite the entire thing to make it better. I am hoping to still have it done for next weekend, however.
> 
> In other story news, I've sent my HIMYM/Avengers crossover story to a beta to test for humor. I have little experience in that area so I thought it might be a good idea to have a sounding board, so to speak. When she's done with it I'll post.
> 
> As always, please stop by my dreamwidth so we can chat about writing. I'm on tumblr now, too, where I reblog a lot of stuff. I think that's what you're supposed to do there, right? :)
> 
> Have a great weekend.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, it's a miracle this is here. My computer started acting up and I had to type almost this entire chapter with my thumbs on my mini. :D
> 
> Just really one thing to note before you read this story. I don't text much so I don't know texting "lingo" so the texting part of this story looks exactly the way I text, which is verbatim. :)
> 
> Thanks for all the reviews and likes and follows.
> 
> Please R&R.

* * *

 

Steve watched the first rays of crest over the Alps, into the valley. The few hours he'd laid on the ground had done nothing to calm him or clear his mind. He was no stranger to pain, he had suffered rejection so many times that it had become second nature to him, just a part of daily living. He had lost both his parents before he was 16, sat at their bedsides and watched them pass from this world into the next. When he had awoken in this time, he realized he had lost everyone he'd ever known, every friend, family member, acquaintance he'd ever had was gone. He'd thought that would be the greatest agony he'd ever know. But the anguish he felt over what he had done to Maria threatened to crush and consume him.

He could see now that Clint had been right in his warning before they left New York, and understood very clearly what yesterday's comment about a "young hot-head" meant. Steve had no self-control when it came to Maria's safety. He really couldn't define why that was. He'd never felt this way about Peggy, but that was the only relationship he could compare it to.

Peggy had always been a beginning, they'd never had the time to be more. He and Maria were far more than he had ever imagined possible. Something about it terrified him, but he still didn't know what. He knew, of course, that Maria didn't need him to protect her the way he felt compelled. She had proven her mettle more than enough times, and if she hadn't, Steve doubted he would ever have been interested in her.

Steve sat up. His thoughts were only going in circles. He wasn't solving anything, and Maria was down at the base, waking alone. He should run back and meet her for breakfast, at least apologize to her for making her feel afraid. After that, he wasn't sure what to do.

After almost an hour of running, he finally approached the base. Walking up to the gate, he produced his ID and was waved in. He looked at his watch and wondered if he should go to Maria's quarters or head to the officer's mess, she should be eating by now. Instead, he was surprised as Ironman approached and dropped out of the sky in front of him.

"Where the hell have you been?" Tony asked.

"I needed to clear my head so I took a run," Steve told him.

"All night?" Tony didn't sound convinced.

Steve looked at him and smirked.

"As if you couldn't find me," he replied.

"You were laying in a field up in the mountains," Tony said.

Steve just nodded.

"Maria tried to call you about a hundred times," Tony informed him.

Steve felt his blood run cold.

"Why?" he asked, fear creeping into his thoughts. "What happened?"

"Barton saw you lurking outside her quarters while she and Natasha were talking and then you ran off," Tony told him.

"Why didn't you come and get me?" he snapped at Tony.

"Why didn't you answer your phone?" Tony bit back.

Steve pulled his phone out of his pocket. The screen listed several missed calls, all from Maria. Steve groaned as he recalled turning the sound off before going to see Maria the previous night.

"Maria told me you probably wanted to be alone," Tony said.

"Where is she?" Steve asked.

"She left for Munich about an hour ago," Tony informed him.

"Munich?" Steve questioned.

And then he remembered. Sighing, he closed his eyes. He'd completely forgotten. She'd gone for the funeral, and he hadn't been there to say goodbye, to comfort her. What must she be thinking?

"I have to go, then," he told Tony.

"No can do, Capsicle," Ironman replied. "Fury's recalled us, remember?"

"Since when has that ever mattered to you?" Steve grumbled, then walked past him to head back to their quarters.

Tony flew ahead of him and was waiting when he arrived. The action only earned a glare from Steve.

"Did Maria find anything out in the interrogation?" he asked as he pushed past Stark and opened the door to his quarters.

"No," Tony replied, and followed him inside. "He didn't have a whole lot to say. But I had JARVIS do some research. We found out some interesting information this morning."

Steve waited for him to continue, but Tony was silent. Steve turned and found Stark had a smirk on his face. Steve rolled his eyes.

"Forget it, I'll just ask Barton when I see him," Steve said.

"Aw, you're no fun," Tony said. "When HYDRA mounts your head on their wall you're face will be in a permanent frown."

Steve ignored Tony and put his belongings back into his rucksack. Shouldering it, he left the room for the mess. He was starving and he didn't want to wait until New York to eat.

He was half-way there when Tony came down beside him.

"Fine, I'll tell you," he said.

Steve ignored him and continued walking.

"There's a price on your head," Tony said.

Steve stopped and turned back to him.

"What?"

"Yep," he affirmed. "Only it's not the normal 'dead or alive' deal. They only want you alive.

"It wasn't a bullet that was shot at you last night," Tony told him. "it was some type of special tranquilizer."

Steve knew immediately why.

"The serum," he said.

"That's what I suspect," Tony told him, then indicated they should continue to the mess. "Of course, I don't know why. SHIELD has your blood and samples. I'm pretty sure they are stumped as to the exact nature."

Steve turned and cut him off.

"SHIELD is trying to remake the formula?"

Tony shrugged.

"I don't know that they are, but I wouldn't put it past them," he said.

Steve took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He knew about previous SHIELD attempts to recreate the formula, and the disasters that resulted. He'd been assured all those experiments had ended. But now that they had him, he wondered if SHIELD resumed their experiments.

He shook the thoughts from his head.

"I'll look into it," Tony said.

Steve only nodded and continued to the mess.

He texted Maria when he sat down to his breakfast. He hated texting but it was better than no communication at all, and when Tony was around, it seemed to be a better option.

"Sorry I ran off last night and wasn't here when you left."

He started his breakfast and waited. He didn't have to wait long.

"That's OK."

Steve groaned. He didn't want to have an argument this way.

"No, it's not. We need to talk. When will you be home?"

Another minute.

"In the morning."

"I'll call you when I get in to NY."

He waited again and noticed the others were looking at him.

"What?"

They all turned back to their food, even Tony. Steve began to feel guilty for his behavior the last twelve hours.

"OK."

Steve groaned. He hated texting.

After breakfast they had to head back to the quinjet to return to New York. While Steve knew Maria hadn't wanted him to go with her to Munich, he was starting to wonder why. Was it because when she planned it, he wasn't part of the picture? Maybe he should have been more insistent. More thoughts to shake from his head. None of this was getting him anywhere, except to the realization he had no idea how to be in a romantic relationship.

He took a seat and strapped in. Listening to Clint do his pre-flight check, Steve leaned his head back and closed his eyes. How could he lead when he fell apart so easily? A leader had to hold his team together and last night he hadn't even held himself together. If Maria was here he could ask her for the words to say. She was good at this sort of thing, always finding the words people needed to hear to continue on.

He heard Clint wrapping up the check and opened his eyes. Everyone was present and accounted for, except Maria. Taking a deep breath, he cleared his throat then plowed forward with his very unprepared speech.

"I, um," he took another deep breath. "I need to apologize for last night."

He looked at each of them in turn, then continued.

"My anger was irrational," he paused as he thought of Maria's words, that he made her afraid. "If it hadn't been for Clint, I really don't know what would have happened last night."

He shook his head.

"I know that I have to get it under control, and until then."

Tony immediately interrupted.

"No way," he said. "Nobody wants it."

Steve looked at him and could see Bruce chuckling out of the corner of his eye.

"You're the boss, and this is just more proof you should be," he told him.

Steve gave him a confused look.

"Barton," he called to the pilot. "Would you have apologized for something like last night?"

"Nope," he said, and began to guide the quinjet to the beginning of the runway.

"See, there you have it," Tony said, as if that one word settled the matter.

Then he pointed across the aisle at Bruce, "He's got bigger anger management issues than you, and he avoids conflict like the plague."

He pointed up to Natasha, "And the only woman I take orders from is my wife."

That comment earned him the glare of two assassins and Steve shook his head at Tony's chutzpa.

"And I guess that's why you can't be leader?" he laughed, looking at Tony.

"With Maria as our liaison, I think it's only appropriate that the man she's going to be sleeping with every night is our leader," he said, then turned to his tablet as Clint pushed up on the throttle for takeoff.

"What?" Steve asked in surprise.

Tony gave him a look.

"Oh, please," he said. "You think we don't know about that little ring in your pocket?"

Steve blushed and then relaxed as everyone had a good laugh at his expense.

By the time they'd reached the middle of the Atlantic, Steve had started to relax more. His team hadn't lost confidence in him despite his meltdown last night. Maria would be home soon and they could talk. He finally set the book he'd been reading down next to him and leaned his head back to get some rest.

He was vaguely aware of Clint communicating with someone on the comm. When he finished he called back to Steve and the others.

"We've been ordered to Munich," he said.

Immediately all eyes were on the archer. Steve felt fear clench his chest as Clint turned to him. He tried to remember to breath.

"What happened?" Tony demanded.

"Maria disappeared after the service," the archer informed them. "She was supposed to take a SHIELD car from the church to the airport, but she never arrived."

* * *

The flight to Munich was too slow for Steve. He knew Barton had pushed it since they'd sent Ironman ahead, but it still wasn't fast enough. After Tony left, Steve tried to monitor the situation from the quinjet but there was little information, and nothing he could do.

The news feeds SHIELD had from the media circus outside the church showed Maria going into the building, but he couldn't find her, or anyone who looked under duress, coming out. There were side exits, however, and it appeared that might be how they got her out of the building. There had been no media allowed inside and SHIELD had not treated the situation as a priority so Maria had gone alone.

For what seemed the hundredth time this morning, Steve leaned his head into his hands and groaned. He should have gone to her. He should have been there. This wouldn't have happened.

"You can't know that," Banner's voice was quiet next to him.

Steve realized he'd been thinking aloud and looked up at Bruce.

"They might still have been able to take her," he continued. "We can't know. Don't blame yourself, it's not going to help."

When they arrived in Munich, they were taken to the SHIELD offices. The knot that had been in Steve's stomach since Clint had given him the news was tighter. The thought that he had lost her this way once before, how could he even be hopeful to get her back again, kept running through his mind.

Tony was already in the control room, going over traffic cams and news reels from the area. There was nothing definitive, so far.

Steve sat down to look at some of the enhanced footage himself. After a few minutes he turned to Tony.

"Can you make one of those 3D images you told me you used in the bombing in LA?" he asked.

"I don't have my equipment here, but I'll have Pepper send it right away," he assured him, then grabbed his phone to make the call.

"You see something, Cap?" Natasha asked from behind him.

Steve shook his head.

"Nothing for certain, but this alley here next to the church is in the shadows," he explained. "Even the enhancements aren't really clearing it up. I just thought maybe something like that 3D enhancement would help."

"OK," Tony said as he hung up with Pepper. "She's sending it out within an hour and it will be here in about six."

They turned in surprise.

"She's putting it in a suit," he smiled a little smugly at them.

Then he sighed as if content.

"I'm so glad I have a sane wife."

The group turned back to him, a question on each of their faces.

He glanced from Steve to Clint.

"If it was one of your wives, she'd be coming with."

Behind him he could feel Natasha shift uncomfortably and Clint clear his throat as quietly as possible.

"I'm gonna go for some grub," he announced. "Cap, come with."

Steve shook his head, he wanted to go over the footage.

"That wasn't a question," Tony said, his voice unusually serious.

Steve shrugged and followed after him.

Outside he was surprised to see Happy waiting at the curb with a car. Tony's former bodyguard became noticeably nervous when he saw Steve. When he opened the door for Steve and Tony, Stark instructed him to get into the back with Steve, while he got into the driver's seat himself.

"So where are we going?" the billionaire asked his driver.

"There's a club about a mile down," he said, then reached over the seat to hand Tony an address.

"Oh, yeah," Tony commented. "I remember that place."

"Well, hopefully they don't remember you," Happy mumbled.

"What's going on Stark?" Steve hoped his friend hadn't reverted to a need to party when the going got rough.

"Happy's been doing a little investigating, haven't you, Happy?"

Tony gave the man next to Steve a meaningful look in the rearview mirror.

"Yes, sir," he said.

There was a moment of tension before Happy half-turned to Steve.

"I, um, was supposed to be keeping an eye on Lieutenant Hill, sir," he said.

Steve's mouth went dry. But fortunately, the man went on without needing Steve's encouragement.

"We got separated after the service," Happy told him. "She checked her phone and said she had to make a call, then she headed out, but a few people cut between us and when I got out the front door, she was gone."

Happy let out a slow breath.

"It's not your fault," Steve said.

And he meant it. He should have been the one with her, not Happy. Though, why Happy was there was something he'd bring up with Tony later.

"So what does this club have to do with anything?" He asked instead.

"There was a call to Maria from a pay phone there, right before she was taken," Happy said.

Steve looked between the men.

"Does SHIELD know anything about this?" He asked.

"No," Tony said. "And they're not going to until I have something firm."

"Why not?" Steve wasn't exactly comfortable with keeping this from SHIELD. "They have more resources to deal with his sort of thing."

"Probably," he replied. "But until my suspicions about this whole thing are laid to rest, I'm not giving them any more than I have to."

"Tony, I work for SHIELD," he reminded him.

"Yeah, but I'm willing to bet that you will keep your mouth shut if it helps get Maria back faster."

Steve leaned back in his seat. He couldn't see how going into this club without any back up was going to help them at all. Maria had been right, he stood out like a sore thumb. If someone had taken Maria because she was with SHIELD, they'd certainly recognize him. And Tony Stark at a club was fairly common. He had no idea how they'd ever get any information.

Steve recalled his frustration with Tony when he'd tried to formulate a plan for attack when they'd first worked together. Tony's plan was simply "attack." That had gone as well as he'd expected, and, Steve supposed, that's how he ended up being team leader.

They stopped at an intersection and Tony tossed back a hat to Steve, telling him to put it on.

"A hat?" he asked. "How's this supposed to conceal my identity?"

"You'd be surprised," Tony said, and tossed him a pair of glasses.

They pulled up to the valet parking and Tony handed the keys to the kid who came round and opened the doors.

It was darker inside the club, though not as dark as Steve had suspected it would be. They could still see well enough.

Beside Tony, Happy presumed the stance of a bodyguard, and Steve realized the two had already rehearsed a plan before he'd arrived. They headed to the bar and ordered their drinks, then stood there, Steve wondering what they were supposed to do next. Happy kept an eye on the patrons, as a bodyguard would, and then it clicked with Steve what he was doing.

Happy would be able to identify anyone he'd seen at the church. Steve understood now, it was a long-shot, but he'd grab at any straw right now. He began to casually scan the room, as well. He focused on the people on the dance floor. It made him look like he was just watching.

After a few minutes he leaned over to Tony.

"How long are we gonna do this?" he asked.

The team and SHIELD would notice they'd been gone and most likely send someone to look for them.

"Don't worry, if they find us I'll just tell them I was trying to get your mind off things," Tony assured him.

"At a club?" Steve wasn't convinced.

Tony gave him a look that said, "How else would Tony Stark act?"

Steve just grimaced and took another drink of his beer.

He'd been watched the crowd increase for about thirty minutes, Tony, with Happy, was making his way around the room, when a young, barely dressed woman sidled up to Steve and began to rub on him and attempt to pull him onto the dance floor.

It wasn't the first time this had ever happened, but it was the first time he'd been so repulsed. He usually tried to be nice to the women who came onto him, for courtesy's sake, but right now his mind was so focused on Maria and what might be happening to her, that his stomach felt sick just looking at he girl next to him.

He was about to tell her to shove off when she spoke to him in heavily accented English.

"Don't wanna dance, Soldier?"

He looked sharply at her and saw her eyes turn instantly, from warm and wanton, to cool and calculating. Steve knew she had something to do with the people who had taken Maria, though how those people knew Maria always used that as a term of endearment for him, he didn't know.

The girl reached into her top and pulled out a piece of paper. She placed it in his hand, then waited as he opened and read the note.

" _You will do what you are instructed when you are contacted_."

Below the words someone had taped a lock of brown hair.

Steve's chest clenched and he could feel the rage begin to surge in him. He looked back up at the girl who was now smiling cruelly at him.

"Temper, temper, _Soldier_ ," she mocked. "Wait for instructions."

Then she turned and walked out the front door.

It took every ounce of self-control Steve could muster to keep himself from going after her. If Maria's life didn't depend on him remaining in control at that moment, Steve wouldn't have been able to.

Tony rushed up to him.

"What happened?" he asked. "Who was that?"

Steve said nothing, only handed the note to Tony, then walked out of the club.

* * *

"Stark, you're an idiot," Fury's words were quiet, almost soft, but behind them Steve knew there was almost as much rage as he himself felt.

"You've never done investigation or subtlety well, so why the hell did you think you could this time?"

Steve had forced Tony to tell them everything he and Happy had already learned.

"If SHIELD had been backing you up, we might have been able to track this woman," Fury glared at the billionaire.

"If SHIELD had been backing us up, they probably wouldn't have sent her in," Tony argued back, his voice harsh with frustration.

"Arguing about this isn't going to do anything," Steve bit out.

"It'll make me feel better," Tony mock whined.

Steve was out of his seat before he'd even thought about his action, his fists clinching Tony's collar, pulling him up out of his chair and pushing him roughly up against the wall of the conference room. Steve heard three guns cock and knew they were all pointed at him.

"Stand down, Captain," Fury's voice broke through the haze of Steve's anger, and he slowly released Tony, ignoring the shocked look on his face.

He turned to face the others. Fury, Clint, and Natasha still had their weapons trained on him.

"I want him out," Steve gestured back at Tony. "I don't want him messing around with this investigation."

Fury nodded slightly.

"Fine," he said. "Stark's gone. Now, go take a breather."

He didn't look at the others as he stalked from the room and headed to the gym floor.

An hour later, Natasha approached him as he wailed against a bag.

She sat on a nearby bench and watched him throw his punches for a few minutes before she spoke.

"The hair was definitely Maria's," she said. "But the only fingerprints on the paper were yours."

Steve paused and held the bag.

"But I saw that woman touch it," he said. "She didn't have gloves."

"She could have had something coating her fingers, or, and more likely, she has had her fingerprints removed."

He stared at Natasha as that information sank in. The woman was more than an "errand boy." She was some sort of professional, most likely an assassin, or a high-level intelligence operative.

"There was trace DNA," Natasha went on. "But it hasn't resulted in any hits at the moment."

Steve sighed and began to remove the tape from his hands.

"Did Stark leave?" he asked.

Natasha raised an eyebrow at him.

"Is that the most important thing to you right now?" she asked, more than a little chastisement in her tone.

He sat on the bench next to her and rested his head in his hands.

"No," she replied. "He's upstairs in a lab recreating the scene outside the church like you asked him to earlier."

Steve lowered his head further then rested his hands in the back of his neck. Part of him still felt angry with Stark for his recklessness, however good intentioned it might have been. The other part felt guilt for allowing himself to be so ruled by his own anger that he might have hurt his friend if no one had been there to stop him.

"Just go talk to him," Natasha advised.

Steve sat up and let out a long breath. He still wasn't thinking rationally, but he'd be a fool to let Stark leave when the man might be able to help them find Maria. He left Natasha to head to the showers.

Thirty minutes later, Steve took a fortifying breath then pushed open the door to the lab. Tony was sitting at the computer and didn't look up when Steve entered. In the corner stood one of the Ironman suits and Steve assumed JARVIS had already informed Tony of his arrival.

He waited for Tony to finish whatever he was working on. And when he turned to Steve, Steve figured it was best just to get to the point.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking Tony in the eye.

But Tony only waved him off.

"Don't worry about it," he told Steve.

"Tony," Steve started.

But Tony cut him off.

"Trust me, it was nothing compared to what I'd have done to someone who'd interfered when Pepper's life was at stake."

Steve just stared at him, not fully convinced he should be forgiven.

"Look, I get it," Tony continued. "You're freaking out because someone's taken her for g-d knows what purpose and this has happened before."

Steve felt the fear of two years ago flash through him, the image of Maria's bruised and broken body, tied to a chair in a windowless, concrete cell, forced its way back into his mind. He'd had nightmares for nearly a year over that. He knew if he dared close his eyes tonight, those nightmares would return.

"When I thought Pepper was dead," Tony started, then paused.

Steve was silent. Tony never talked about that. Maria had told him about it after they'd returned from an assignment. He still felt a great deal of guilt for not being there for Tony to help him.

"I felt as if all the things I'd ever done in my life, even the good things, were worth nothing," he shook his head, then took a deep breath before going on.

"I wanted to tear Killian apart with my bare hands. Then I wanted to hunt down every person who had ever caused her any suffering, and do the same to them. And then..."

Tony's voice trailed off. And Steve knew that Tony had just told him things he'd never even told Pepper. It was humbling, because, for all his jocularity and sarcasm, Tony and Maria were cut from the same untrusting cloth. And Steve knew how much it took for them to give this level of trust.

Stark turned back to him, his eyes dark with an anger Steve had never seen in them before.

"We'll find her," he said. "And when we do, if she has so much as a scratch on the pretty, grumpy face, I'll hold off SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers while you tear those bastards to pieces."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, sorry, that just seemed like a good stopping point. It looks like this middle chapter is actually going to take two chapters, so we'll end up with about eight chapters and one epilogue.
> 
> Hope you all have a great weekend.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Wow, this one gave me trouble. Lots of personal angst going on here (IRL), then Clint would simply not shut up. He talked on for like five pages. I finally had to delete everything and write up Cliff's Notes. ;) Anyway, as a reward for waiting an extra week. I will be posting the rest of the story this weekend. Then I will be working pretty much only on my Avengers/HIMYM crossover. People seem to be getting quite a kick out of it and it's sort of nice to give people good feeling when I'm usually making them suffer along with my characters. :D
> 
> OK, as far as this story goes, I have no idea what that mask thing Natasha used in TWS is called. If you know, let me know, and I will edit the story. :)
> 
> Rest of the notes below. Have a happy three day weekend if you are in the USA.

 

Steve's life became an endless succession of days spent waiting for news. Whomever had taken Maria had inferred they'd be in contact, but after nearly a week with no word, Steve was going more than slightly stir crazy. Fury had ordered him away from the investigation. The only reason he was still in country was because it sounded like the kidnappers wanted something from him, specifically.

The trail had gone cold for the woman who had contacted him at the club. But Natasha and Clint kept him mostly in the loop, passing along any information they could. Steve's only action was relegated to leaving the SHIELD offices a few times a day in hopes that the kidnappers would again approach him.

Steve had argued, with Tony backing him, that he wasn't being contacted because he always had a tail. It went back and forth like that until Tony and he took matters into their own hands. Steve went out one afternoon, as usual, this time to the market district, and walked along the sidewalk, leisurely looking in the shop windows. When he came to a corner cafe, he walked in and went into the men's restroom, where Tony had stashed a duffle bag in the trash can earlier.

He grabbed the bag and locked himself in the stall. Changing quickly into the suit and tie he found inside the bag, he pulled a clear cloth-like material over his face, a type of cloaking mask, then topped that off with a wig and a hat. Tony had promised a huge diversion to cause enough chaos that Steve would be able to slip out without his SHIELD tail noticing him. Steve's only stipulations were that it harm no one and if it caused any damage, Tony had to pay for it. Otherwise, Tony could do whatever he wanted. Steve was too desperate to find Maria to wait while SHIELD sat on its hands.

Steve looked at his watch and waited until he heard what sounded like a small explosion, followed by screams, but not screams of terror, screams of surprise. Stepping out of the bathroom, Steve felt a mist of water falling on his face and could see a fire hydrant a few feet away from the entrance had been breached and turned into a fountain. Most of the patrons were leaving via the side entrance to avoid getting soaked, so Steve went with them, no longer looking like Steve except in height.

When he was a foot away from the door, he slipped off his watch, which he'd allowed SHIELD to place a homing device in after the initial contact with the kidnappers, and dropped it into the purse of the woman in front of him. He hated having to be so deceptive, but SHIELD had left him no alternative.

The commotion around the front of the cafe had brought the crowds. It had also created a major traffic jam at the intersection. Steve joined the throngs of people looking to see what was going on, then slowly made his way through the crowded street, looking like no more than a middle aged man heading home from a day at the office.

He walked about three blocks before he hailed a cab, which he had take him to an address about two blocks from the club where he'd first been contacted. There, he walked into an office building and went up two flights of stairs. Pulling a key from the suit pocket, Steve entered a vacant room and changed again, taking off the suit jacket and tie, and unbuttoning the first few buttons on his shirt. He removed the wig and mask, then pulled on a hat and sunglasses he'd hid in his jacket earlier at the cafe.

After he left the office, he shoved the disguise down the trash chute, then walked back down the stairs and out onto the street. He walked as quickly as he could, without drawing attention to himself, to the club. Tony had told him it probably wouldn't take SHIELD too long after they missed him to figure out where he'd gone, but this really was the only shot he had.

Giving his fake name and ID that Tony had left for him, Steve found he was on the guest list and he entered the club. It was slightly more crowded than the first time he'd come in, but it was later in the evening as well. Removing the sunglasses, he hoped that would be enough for Maria's kidnappers to recognize him and not too much that if someone from SHIELD was here, they would find him right away.

He ordered a beer at the bar, then started to walk around, ostensibly to find a seat. It didn't take long for him to feel someone up against him. Unfortunately, it was only a woman who actually wanted him to dance with her. He shook his head and pointed at his beer. She scowled at him and he supposed it was rather rude to choose a beer over a dance.

This incident was repeated three more times before he saw her. Even from ten feet away he knew it was the same woman, her eyes had an icy and cruel look identical to the one she'd given him six days earlier. He walked toward her, and she did not retreat.

"SHIELD is difficult to shake, no?" she said, this time using an Italian accent and Steve wondered, absently, what her native language might be.

"Where is she?" he demanded. "You said they'd contact me and they've done nothing."

"Tsk, tsk, Soldier," she said. "You really do have a temper. And here I thought Captain America was so pure of heart."

"If you give me Maria, maybe I'll show you some mercy," he said, making his voice as menacing as possible.

"I cannot give you what I do not have," she smirked.

"Then neither can I," he growled and grabbed her by the wrist.

Before he could move he felt a gun press into his side. Looking behind him he saw a small man, no more than five and a half feet tall. He shook his head.

"You really think you can stop me?" he asked.

"If you want to see your girlfriend again," the man informed him.

Steve dropped the woman's wrist, then he felt the man put something into his front pants pocket. The two wandered off in different directions as Steve pulled the note out to read.

Written inside was an address and some information about the meet, but Steve could only pay attention to the photo taped to the bottom. Maria sat on a cot. She looked exhausted, but her face was defiant. The time stamp was two hours earlier, when he had ditched his SHIELD tail in the market district.

* * *

In the conference room, Fury said nothing, and everyone in the room knew that it was worse than if he was yelling. Steve held the picture of Maria in his hands and looked nowhere else.

To his left, Jasper sat, tapping away at his laptop and ignoring the tension. He'd been brought in to head up any rescue op, and Steve didn't have to ask to know that the man had requested it. The look in Jasper's eyes when Steve had returned from the club was scathing. He hoped that Maria, at least, would be able to forgive him this breach.

Finally, Fury took a deep breath.

"Banner, take Stark back to New York," he said.

Steve felt the man's one-eyed glare boring into him and waited, but whatever Fury intended to say to him was interrupted by Tony.

"This is ridiculous," Tony declared. "They were waiting because you wouldn't give them space."

In his peripheral vision, Steve could see that Fury didn't even bother to look at Tony.

"Out. Now."

Tony left reluctantly, grumbling the entire way. When the door shut behind him, Steve braced himself for the brunt of Fury's anger. But it never came. Instead he began to outline their mission, Jasper and Natasha giving input on location and schematics. Steve listened for several minutes before he angrily interrupted.

"They said only I could be there," he reminded them.

Fury glared coldly at him.

"If you think I'm letting you go alone and risking Maria to yet another stunt like today's," he started.

Steve pushed back his chair and stood.

"If we don't play it like they instructed, your petty opinion of my actions won't really matter," he said, trying to control his growing frustration.

"Sit down, Captain," Fury said, calmly. "Or I will send you home with Stark."

"You would sacrifice Maria to satisfy your need to be in control of every situation?"

"Steve," Natasha broke in, but he only turned and glared at her.

"Who would you send in my place?" he asked, turning back to Fury.

"I said to sit," was the only reply Steve got.

He looked at the door and for a moment contemplated leaving.

"If you leave, I will shut you out of this entirely," Fury said, his tone was now threatening.

Steve scoffed.

"And how do you plan to do that?"

Fury leveled a cold glare at him.

"I think you are aware that we have places we can hold someone with your strength."

Steve fought to keep back everything he wanted to say. He could sit, and listen, and appear to play the game. Then he could do what needed to be done. It wouldn't be the first time he bucked orders.

* * *

When Steve returned to his quarters an hour later, he found Tony waiting inside.

"I thought you'd be gone already," he said.

"I sent Bruce ahead, with a dummy," Tony explained.

Steve chuckled and shook his head.

"I'll leave, but I wanted to give you something, first," Tony said, then pulled something from his shirt pocket.

Steve took a small black square piece of plastic from him and looked at it.

"Call it a panic button," Tony said by way of an explanation. "Just press it if you need me to come back."

"But it'll take you at least six hours to arrive," Steve reminded him.

Tony shook his head.

"I said I'd leave," he informed Steve. "I didn't say I'd go back to New York."

Steve smiled and held out his hand. Tony took it before parting as Steve thanked him for his help.

There was nothing Steve could do now but wait for the agents SHIELD had sent to survey the area of the meet. The collective opinion was that it was a set-up and Steve was fairly certain they were correct, but he'd been in worse than what he'd face the next morning so his only concern was for Maria and her safety. He changed into workout clothes and went to the gym instead of brooding in his room.

He'd been on the treadmill about thirty minutes when he saw Barton in the mirror. The man signaled that he wanted to talk to him so Steve grabbed his towel and water and followed him out into the hall. Clint silently led him down the emergency stairs and out into a courtyard in the center of the compound. Showing him to a table, they sat and Steve waited for what he hoped was more information.

After a few moments, during which Clint seemed to satisfy himself that no one was close enough to hear their conversation, he got to the point.

"I don't know what you and Stark are planning," he said. "But I need you to reconsider."

Steve looked at him in surprise.

"What do you mean?"

"This is a SHIELD op, not an Avengers op," he explained. "And while Tony is great in a fight, and he's good for what we do as Avengers, he's not really good at what's going to happen tomorrow, and, to be frank, neither are you."

Steve just stared at him, unsure how to respond. Clint didn't say anything for a few more minutes. Steve thought he was probably trying to let his words sink it.

"There is no doubt that this is a trap; that, unless we breach the building before the meet, you'll be going in blind," Clint reminded him. "Natasha is going to try to do that."

Steve opened his mouth to object, but Clint cut him off with a motion of his hand.

"She's the best for it," he said. "She does this sort of thing all the time."

Steve said nothing, but he didn't like the risk, neither for Maria or Natasha. He felt it was unnecessary.

"Truthfully," Clint continued. "I'll be surprised if we find Maria there at all."

Steve nodded in agreement. It was one of his fears.

"And you need to stop undermining Fury's authority," Clint said, changing the subject abruptly.

"You aren't Stark," he said. "If you have an issue with Fury, make it private. It's just us now, but you know we've found a few others we want on the team, and if they join and you start acting more like you've been this week, it won't help."

Steve sighed. He knew he'd let his anger get control. He had to learn to compartmentalize it. Clint was right, it would set a bad tone for any new team members if he was going at it with Fury the same as Tony always did.

They sat in silence for several more minutes. Steve didn't really have anywhere else to go, except back to the gym, and Clint made no move to leave. Shortly, he spoke up.

"I'll get us a couple of drinks from the commissary," he said, then walked back into the building.

He returned a few minutes later with a six pack of soda and several sandwiches. They ate and drank in silence, Clint not being much for small talk today, it seemed. Steve was disappointed, he needed something to get his mind off the wait. There were things he could be patient about, but waiting to take action wasn't one of them.

Finally, he turned to Clint and asked the question he'd wanted to ask since Maria had ended their relationship the previous December.

"Why didn't it work out between you and Maria?"

Clint looked at him, carefully considering his answer.

"We never talked about anything," he said after several minutes.

Steve furrowed his brow and shook his head.

"How could you not talk about anything?" he asked.

Clint smiled and took a drink of his soda before replying.

"Well, there's talking, and then there's talking."

Steve still didn't understand.

"We talked about work and the idiot in the apartment upstairs and what we'd have for dinner," Clint explained. "But we never talked about what mattered."

Steve nodded, beginning to understand.

"I'm gonna guess you guys don't do a lot of talking either," Clint commented.

Steve chuckled.

"We talk a lot," he said.

"About?" Clint asked, and Steve had the feeling the conversation had just shifted to an interrogation.

"Everything, I guess," Steve shrugged.

"She ever tell you about her dad?" Clint asked, then shook his head at the surprised look Steve gave him. "Yeah, that's what I figured."

"I didn't realize her father was part of her life," Steve stated, slightly put out that Clint knew something about Maria he didn't.

"I only know because it's in her file," Clint assured him. "She never said anything. And neither did I. We thought because we had a similar background that somehow we would work even though our relationships with others all crashed and burned."

Clint got a faraway look and Steve wondered if the assassin didn't still harbor some feelings for his ex-girlfriend. He waited as Clint turned back to him, then was surprised by the bemused look on the archer's face.

"Jealousy doesn't really suit you," Clint laughed.

Steve blushed when he realized he'd been showing his feelings.

"Yeah, you suck at the spy stuff," Clint said. "You're a great soldier, and a good man, but you are the worst liar, and just awful at hiding your feelings."

Clint's phone buzzed then and he pulled it from his pocket to read the text.

"It's Nat," he told Steve. "She's ready."

Steve nodded and rose to follow, slowly formulating how he, who both Clint and Natasha could read so well, was going to deceive them in order to make the meet go exactly as Maria's kidnappers had instructed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I got the idea about Steve being a horrible spy from the mall scene in TWS where he and Natasha are walking along and he's ready to battle right there in the middle of all the people and she's just like shut up and do this other thing. He looks really surprised that something so simple worked. :D
> 
> Alright, going to edit the other last two chapters and the epilogue. Will post on Sunday and Monday. :)
> 
> Oh, and I have the 30-Day OTP Challenge that will start up on Monday as well. I know two other people have started it for Captain Hill but I couldn't help myself. :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: OK, so I was apparently wrong about being able to focus exclusively on the HIMYM/Avengers story. I got all excited about finishing this one and forgot that I was doing a colab with gustin puckerman, and I have a story due in two weeks for the AvengersFest. But, otherwise, I'll be focusing on it. :D I will definitely try to get a chapter up before I go on a business trip the second week of Sept. Wifi costs at the hotel and I'm not paying $3/day for something I can get free at Starbucks. :D
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. :)

 

In hushed tones Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Captain America, along with Agent Jasper Sitwell, discussed their plan of action until each was satisfied with his or her part. It seemed relatively simple and straight forward, but the contingencies for if, probably when, things went south were more difficult. Plans B, C, and D finally hashed out, Steve wanted to leave no room for failure, the four broke their meeting and Steve went to see Director Fury.

He found him in his temporary office on the fifth floor. The only light in the room was from the computer monitor on the desk and that streaming in from through the doorway. Fury stood by the window, staring out at the pre-dawn city. He shifted as Steve entered, turning slightly in greeting to the super soldier. Steve walked over to him.

"Ready?" Fury asked.

"Yes, sir," Steve responded.

Fury didn't say anything for a moment, and Steve wondered if he should consider himself dismissed, then the man took a deep breath, which Steve knew meant he was going to say something more.

"When I allowed you and Lieutenant Hill to become involved," Fury started.

Steve bristled at his words.

"Allowed?" he questioned, his ire barely contained.

Fury turned to him and gazed at him in appraisal.

"Allowed, Captain," he said, firmly. "Do you think I would let two high-value SHIELD assets such as yourselves have a romantic entanglement under normal circumstances?"

Steve felt his blood run cold at the thought that Fury felt he had that much control over them.

"I told you back in New York, I'm not a romantic," he continued, unfazed by Steve's obvious anger.

"You were good for each other," he said. "She helped ground you in the present; you, and I had no idea it was even possible, made her a stronger leader."

Steve was certain his heart stopped as he focused on Fury's use of the past tense, 'were.' He was almost afraid to ask the next question, but he had to know.

"And now?" he forced out, through gritted teeth.

"Now?" Fury turned and walked back to his desk to sit in the chair. "Now, I think you have lost control of the situation."

He looked up at Steve, who remained by the window.

"Look at yourself, man," Fury said. "You're a wreck. If I didn't need Hill back so badly, I'm not sure I would allow you to go through with this tomorrow."

It was all Steve could do to contain himself at that point, the image of himself attacking Fury flashed through his mind.

"See what I mean?" Fury said, and Steve realized he had shown everything on his face.

Fury sighed and shook his head, then he pointed to the chair across from him.

"Sit," he said, then waited a moment.

"That's an order," he commanded, when Steve didn't move.

Steve grudgingly stepped over to the chair and sat down. Then waited as Fury stared hard at him.

"The Lieutenant was a perfectly fine agent before you came along," Fury started, and Steve suddenly found it hard to breath.

"Aside from myself, I have honestly never met someone as driven as she," he paused to give Steve another look, this one no friendlier than the first.

"When you two started dating, she seemed even more focused, more clear-thinking," he said. "So, I figured, what the hell, Rogers is a good guy, what's the worst that could happen? They get married and she quits to stay home and make babies and cookies?"

Fury laughed at himself, but Steve didn't think the man really thought it funny.

"As if Maria Hill would ever allow that," Fury shook his head and Steve wondered where he was going with his lecture.

"But, I swear, I think that's what you want," Fury stopped, and Steve tried to formulate some sort of defense.

"No, sir, that is not what I want," he said. "I want Maria to do what she's best at, what she likes, what she feels gives her purpose."

Fury nodded, but Steve didn't think he believed him.

"Read that in a magazine, did you?" Fury said, unimpressed.

Steve swallowed hard. He had no idea what else to say. It was what he wanted, why would he want Maria to do something for which she had never even expressed interest?

"You say the words, but your actions are telling me something entirely different," Fury said, and leaned onto the desk as if to get a closer look at Steve's reaction.

"How else can you protect her from  _everything_  that might harm her?" Fury said, and Steve worked to control his reaction. "You can only do what you're thinking of doing by putting her in a bubble."

Steve swallowed again, his anger at Fury's words slowly giving way to the truth of them.

"You say you love her, yet you really don't want her to do what she's not only perfectly capable of doing, but damn good at doing," Fury's voice slowly took on a harder edge.

"She loves you," he told Steve. "It's been obvious from almost the beginning."

Steve might have taken comfort in that admission under different circumstances.

"But you are screwing everything up with this overprotective streak of yours," he said. "You're going to take the very life out of her if you don't get it under control."

Steve could not deny the truth of his words, but he had no idea how to stop. The six months he and Maria were apart after she broke up with him, he really wasn't sure how he'd functioned. It had been nearly as bad as when he'd first awoke from the ice, that feeling of loneliness and isolation overwhelmed him again.

The past week since she'd been taken, he felt as if the world was falling apart around him. He mostly kept it together, and no one but Barton and Fury had said anything to him so far, but he knew what he was like on the inside. If anything happened to Maria, if he lost her forever, he really wasn't sure what would happen to him.

"Like I said, she loves you," Fury went on. "And I have the terrible feeling that she actually would do just about anything you asked her to, even quit SHIELD, take a safer job. I might be wrong, but I rarely am, and I've watched her the past six months since she broke things off with you. She needs you as much as you need her.

"So, as I see it, you now have two choices," Fury explained. "You can either use that to make her into something you find safer but will ultimately destroy her, or you can see her for who she really is, and use your love to make that person even stronger."

They stared at each other while Fury allowed his words to sink in.

"There is a third option," Fury said. "But I'm afraid that one will destroy her more quickly."

Steve understood that Fury meant ending their relationship. That was untenable to Steve. He realized that option one was as well.

"I understand," he finally replied.

"Do you?" Fury stared hard at him and, even in the darkness of the room, Steve could see the intent.

"Yes, sir," he said, firmly.

Fury stared at him for a moment, then slowly nodded.

"Dismissed," he said, with a wave of his hand as he leaned back into his chair.

* * *

At 0300, Steve met Natasha and Clint inside an office in a building down the street from the meeting place. They had arrived separately over the previous two hours so as to hopefully avoid any sightings.

"Plan B is now Plan A," Steve said without pre-amble.

Both assassins gave him a sharp look.

"Cap, I don't think," Clint started, but Steve cut him off with a glaring look.

He stalked over to the table where their small amount of equipment was laid out. Steve picked up the tracer and slipped it into the pre-made slot in his coat button.

"I'll let you know if I need your help by using the previously arranged signals," he turned to them, then walked over to the window and picked up the night-vision binoculars to watch the row house down the street.

"Steve, you can't walk in there alone," Natasha said quietly. "We already know it must be some kind of trap."

"We don't have a head count," Barton continued the vein of conversation. "You won't know how many you are facing, their capabilities, weaponry."

"I took on an entire HYDRA compound, and they were using Tesseract-powered weapons," Steve said, his voice firm. "Those were weapons that could have actually killed me."

"You had your shield," Natasha countered.

Steve shook his head.

"Not the first time," he informed her. "Not the time I went in for the 107th and."

Steve found the name had stuck in his throat. He couldn't think of Bucky right now, because, ultimately, it hadn't even mattered that he'd saved him from HYDRA, all it had given them was a few extra months together.

He knew it was the same with Maria, that at some point in the future, he would lose her and there wouldn't be anything he could do to stop it. But those extra months with Bucky had been worth it, and any time with Maria would be worth it.

He'd spent a lot of time this night thinking about Fury's words. The director was right, Steve would not be able to protect Maria without stifling the very things he loved about her, her strength, her intelligence, her courage. If he wanted to be with her, he was going to have to trust that she could take care of herself.

The three Avengers took turns watching the building the exchange was to occur in later that morning. The assassins had far more patience than Steve, but Steve had far more on his mind and found that it helped him wait.

Finally, it was dawn and Steve left via the back door of the building to wait in the van Natasha had parked a few blocks over. The team tested their equipment now that he had left the building, then there was nothing to do but wait another few hours for Jasper to arrive and drive over to pick up the car he'd take to the meeting.

Steve sat on the hard floor in the back of the van and pulled out his phone. He must have had a thousand pictures of Maria on it, and Steve wondered if it was wise to spend the time looking at them all again. Taking a deep breath, he opened the file.

* * *

Three hours later, Jasper opened the door and pulled himself into the driver's seat. He spoke under his breath, but Steve could hear him fine.

"I don't know what the hell you think you're doing deviating from the plan like this."

So Natasha had contacted him, Steve wasn't really that surprised. After they drove several blocks, Steve moved into the passenger seat.

They drove the van to the location where Jasper had left the car. He parked around the corner and Steve would walk to pick it up.

As he opened the door to get out, Jasper grabbed his arm. When Steve looked at him he was startled by the intensity of Jasper's gaze.

"If anything happens to Maria because you were too much a fool to let Natasha do her job."

Jasper let the threat hang, and not for the first time Steve wondered if the man really didn't have feelings for Maria.

He took a deep breath to settle his nerves, then nodded to Jasper and went around the block to retrieve the car. Before he opened the door, he reached into his pocket and fingered the engagement ring again, as if it were a talisman that would give him more strength to get through the next hour.

When he arrived at the meeting location, Steve stepped out of the car and kept looking around the street. Natasha and Clint told him it would appear that he was alone if he was scoping out the street. They might suspect back up if he wasn't concerned with his surroundings. He buttoned the jacket button the tracker was on to cover the act of activating it, then took to the steps.

He was greeted at the door by a tall, well-built middle-aged man with a scar across his forehead. Another shorter, stockier man led him through the foyer and into a sitting room. The room was filled with ten men, and Maria. She was standing, hands clasped and held together by cuffs. She look unharmed, and Steve thought to himself that she had better be or he wasn't sure anyone else in this room would make it out alive. He forcefully pulled his thoughts from revenge. Both Clint and Natasha had reminded him that he needed to leave a few alive for questioning. He looked at Maria as the two HYDRA agents who had entered with him patted him down for weapons. He knew she understood his look when she almost imperceptibly quirked an eyebrow at him.

The man with the scar stood and nodded to another man across the room, presumably to tell him Steve was clear of weapons, then Steve caused all hell to break loose. He had taken out three men and Maria had taken out one when he quickly stepped over and broke the chain of her cuffs so she could fight more easily. She grabbed up a gun and took out another man as Steve went after the man he presumed was the leader. In a matter of minutes, they had neutralized or killed all ten of the agents in the room. Maria held the gun on the two who remained standing but had surrendered.

He turned and smiled at her. A week in captivity, a short firefight, and she didn't even look ruffled. She smiled back at him and he slowly began to let go of the fear of the past week, as well as the fear for the future.

He found he wanted to take her into his arms right then and give her the ring, but there was business to attend to.

Black Widow walked through the door a minute later and gave Steve a dirty look.

"Plan B was Plan A all along, wasn't it?"

Steve only nodded as he removed the cuffs from Maria's wrists. Natasha zip tied the wrists of all the live agents and they waited for a medical team to arrive.

"Clint's out front with a van for the uninjured," Natasha said.

Another two SHIELD agents came in and escorted outside the two men standing, then Clint came in to wait for the medical teams. And Steve finally allowed himself to relax.

"Are you OK?" he asked Maria in a hushed voice.

She nodded and smiled up at him. Steve stepped closer and took her into his arms.

"I'm so sorry," he said.

She pulled away to look at him.

"For what?" she asked.

"For making you afraid of me," he said. "For running away and not talking to you about what you said."

She tightened her arms around him and rested her head on his chest.

"We can talk about that later," she said, then she pulled away from him and turned toward Hawkeye.

It was then Steve heard the noise, faint at first, then growing louder. It was coming from outside, he was certain, and he motioned to Clint and Maria to stay put while he checked it out. As he stepped to the door the noise increased and then something hit him hard in the abdomen and he was flying through the air, only, he realized, whatever had hit him, still had a hold on him.

Everything instantly became a blur and Steve felt a wall give way on the back of his body as he was propelled by whatever had him. They hit several more walls, but Steve found the force he was being propelled at hindered him from moving his arms very far. He went through one more wall and felt something hit him hard on the back of the head, then everything faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you read my story 'Not for the Feint of Heart' you might recognize the fight scene in this story.
> 
> I think that might actually be all. If not, I'll write more tomorrow when I post the last chapter and the epilogue.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And now for the last chapter. There is an epilogue to this story and I'll post that shortly. Unless my family wakes up (it's a holiday here) then I'll post it later. :)
> 
> Thanks for all the likes and reviews and follows. I hope everyone has enjoyed this story. I think I've finally overcome my fear of writing more than inner thoughts and emotional turmoil. :D Now to overcome my fear of writing humor. :)
> 
> Guess that's all until the story is over.

 

Steve felt himself slowly return to consciousness. It was an unusual sensation for him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been knocked out so soundly.

At the memory of what had happened, his eyes shot open, expecting to find himself imprisoned. Glancing around the room he noticed it was just an ordinary hospital room, and when he looked to his right he fully relaxed, a smile spreading across his face.

"Maria," he called quietly to the sleeping woman hunched over in the chair next to his bed.

"Hmm," she moaned, then slowly lifted her head.

Steve could see just from her eyes that she was exhausted. He wondered how long she'd been sitting in the chair, he wondered how long he'd been gone.

She smiled at him and stood to walk over to him. Taking his hand in hers, she leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"What happened?" he asked.

Maria pulled away and shook her head at him.

"We're not entirely sure," she said. "What do you remember?"

"Just the house in Munich," he said. "I came to get you. Natasha was there."

He strained to recall even what had happened when he, Natasha, and Clint had gone to retrieve Maria. He shook his head.

"I can't remember much else," he said.

"Someone took you," she said.

He looked at her, not really understanding.

"How?"

"Well, we're looking into it, but it was someone very fast,"

"Ironman fast?"

"Faster."

Steve raised his eyebrows.

"We received a call the next day that we could find you outside Milan,"

"Milan?" Steve questioned. "That's more than a fair distance from Munich."

Maria only nodded and squeezed his hand.

"Like I said, we're looking into it,"

He gazed at her face, her tired features unable to detract from her beauty, and smiled. For too many days he'd wondered if he'd ever see her again, wondered if he could be lucky twice in his life and find her. Now she was here with him, safe.

His hand drifted over to where his pocket ought to be before he remembered he'd be in a hospital gown. He wondered if whomever had taken him had taken the ring as well. It was just a ring, he tried to remind himself. He could get another. Still, he so badly wanted to ask her right then. He should have asked her weeks ago, but he was waiting for the right moment, perfect timing. He almost missed out completely.

A doctor came in and distracted Steve from his thoughts.

"Captain," he greeted Steve. "Good to see you awake."

He nodded to Maria in familiarity before introducing himself to Steve.

"I'm Dr. Insgard," he said. "I do some work for SHIELD here in Italy."

They shook hands and Dr. Insgard explained as much as he knew.

"You took a huge hit in your abdomen and chest, akin to a missile hitting you but not exploding. You also suffered from oxygen deprivation, which I believe was caused when the person who took you carried you over the alps."

Steve felt his mouth open slightly in surprise.

"We're not sure all the details," he said. "I'm sure SHIELD and Stark are looking at the satellite footage.

"Fortunately, the serum has helped you heal quickly and I don't believe you'll have any complications from anything that occurred," the doctor finished.

A nurse came in and the doctor turned to Maria.

"We're going to do a quick exam, just to make sure everything has healed nicely," he said.

Maria nodded then leaned down and kissed Steve on the forehead again before pulling her hand from his and leaving the room.

The doctor did a very cursory exam, mostly just listening to his chest and taking his vitals.

When the nurse left the doctor smiled a conspiratorial smile at Steve.

"That was mostly just to get Commander Hill out of the room," he said, then he reached into his pocket.

He pulled out a small plastic baggy and handed it to Steve.

Steve smiled. It was the engagement ring.

"We found that in your pocket," he said. "I assumed you wouldn't want me to just pull it out right in front of her. That would really ruin the whole element of surprise."

Steve looked up at the doctor.

"I have a vague notion of what's going on," he said. "I'm happy for it. I've known Maria a long time, from the time she started with SHIELD actually. Did her physical. I don't think I've ever seen her in a better state. You're good for her."

"She's good for me," Steve said.

The doctor smiled.

"I'll send her back in and get started on the paperwork to release you," he said, then turned to leave.

Steve nodded, then quickly removed the ring from the bag and palmed it.

"It sounds like you can leave whenever the paperwork is ready," Maria said as she returned a few moments later.

Steve smiled as she sat on the edge of the bed. Then he laughed as she let out an undignified squawk when he quickly grabbed her into his arms and pulled her to lay back on the bed with him before leaning over her and claiming her lips with his own. She hesitated a moment before wrapping her arms around his back and clinging to him as tightly as he was to her.

After a few minutes, he let her come up for air but didn't let go of her. Instead he buried his face in her shoulder and poured out all the pent up emotions from the past week while she ran her fingers through his hair and whispered hushed consolations. As he slowly regained control, he lifted his head and found Maria smiling down at him, her own eyes swimming in emotion.

She reached over to the table next to the bed and grabbed the box of tissue, then pulled a few out and dried his eyes and his face. He sat up and pulled her to him again, and she placed a gentle kiss on his lips. When she pulled away, he leaned his forehead gently against hers. Licking his lips to taste her again, he found it mixed with the salt of their tears.

Fury's lecture and Clint's words were pounding in his head. The two things he needed to do were the two hardest things for him. Finally, remembering Clint's explanation as to why his relationship with Maria had fallen apart, Steve pulled his thoughts together.

"I can't lose you, Maria," he said, his voice surprisingly steady considering the internal turmoil he was experiencing. "I  **cannot**  lose you."

"Steve," she started, but he pressed his lips to hers and shushed her.

"I need to tell you this," he said, his voice barely a whisper. "Then we can discuss it."

She nodded and Steve kissed her once more before continuing.

"You have become the most important person in my life," he said. "I should have told you so long ago, but we never talk that way. I just never really knew how to say what needed to be said, I thought it was enough to show you, to do things with you and for you so you could see how I felt."

Steve closed his eyes for a moment, trying to regain his focus and not go off on the one hundred different tangents his mind was pulling him on.

"If I had, if I'd told you all the things in my heart, maybe when I asked you to marry me, you wouldn't have run," he said, and he saw the flash of resistance he'd expected.

Placing his fingertip to her lips to stop her from what he knew would be an attempt to absolve him, he continued.

"If you'd known, you would have felt more secure, you wouldn't have thought that the only reason we were together was because of Coulson, or because I was lonely and had no one else," he smiled at her. "I am fully aware that I could have someone else, anyone else according to Tony, but I don't want anyone else.

"Since I first saw you, I knew you were different than all the others," he said. "It was just so nice to be treated like a person, not like some freak side-show at the circus, or a body to be lusted after.

"Then, after New York and everyone went their separate ways, you were the one who was there for me," he said, then he closed his eyes and choked back his emotions.

This was the difficult part. This was the part he'd failed at so miserably, the thing he'd wanted to do, thought he was doing, but wasn't.

"I was never there for you," he said.

Maria sat up straight on the bed and gave him a confused look, but she honored his request and didn't say anything.

"I feel like I don't even know you," he said. "I should have known you better by now, I should have let you tell me about your past. But it seemed to cause you so much pain, and I just can't handle even the thought of you suffering for a moment. I thought I was protecting you, but that's not even what you need. I love you because of your strength, and when we are working, well, I thought it wasn't an issue, but it was. I forgot, I fell back on what I was comfortable with, and that was protecting the person I love, but you don't need that kind of protection, you just need someone to stand by you, to support you when you need it, not someone to save you."

Maria only smiled at him. Then she laid down next to him, her head on his shoulder. He put his arms around her and she relaxed into his embrace.

"When we get back to New York, we are going to take leave and go somewhere we can get away from everything and everyone and talk," he told her.

"Chicago," she said, immediately.

"What's in Chicago?" he asked.

She hesitated a moment.

"The past," she said quietly.

They were silent after that for a while and Steve enjoyed the moment. This had always been his favorite thing with her, holding her, both of them relaxed in comfortable silence.

Steve thought about the ring in his hand, wondered, again, at the wisdom of asking now, just as he'd contemplated the few times they'd been alone together in Austria. There were a million reasons he shouldn't ask her right then, but the one reason he should won out. He had wasted enough time, dragged his feet for too many months, maybe even longer, always arguing that there would be time later.

He took a deep breath.

"Maria," he said softly.

"Hmmm?"

Steve thought she sounded like she might be falling to sleep, but she lifted her head to look at him. Her hair fell around her face and Steve found himself glad they were in the hospital where anyone could walk in at any time, it gave him more reason to fight his desire.

"This probably isn't the right time or place, but I just don't want to wait again," he said, then took the ring between his fingers.

Holding it out to her, he opened his mouth to say the words, but nothing would come out. His throat constricted with the emotion behind the words. He closed his eyes to try to refocus. Shortly he felt her shift closer to him and felt her lips press against his.

She pulled away and he opened his eyes. Her smile encouraged him and finally he found his tongue.

"Maria Christina Hill, I love you more than life itself. There is no other, and there never could be. I cannot begin to imagine living another day, let alone the rest of my life, without you. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

She nodded silently, her soft smile calming his heart.

He took her left hand and, with shaking hands, slid the ring onto her finger, then touched her face and pulled her to him to kiss her.

They remained that way for minutes, Maria leaning over him, kissing him gently, Steve enjoying the feel of her hair between his fingers. He was certain he had never been so happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Complain all you want about how miserable I make them. They always end up happy in the final paragraph.
> 
> Next on my list of things to do, find as many ways to preempt the wedding as fictionally possible, including horrible emotional angst and fear, with a special appearance from everyone's favorite insane megalomaniac, Dr. von Doom.


	9. Epilogue

 

In the late night quiet of her office, Maria stared at the blurry image on her computer screen. Enhancements had done nothing to get her a clearer picture. Even Stark had had to admit defeat, albeit reluctantly.

Sighing, she rubbed her hands over her face as if the act would rub away her exhaustion and the stress this situation was provoking in every fiber.

Maria supposed she had secretly harbored the thought that Steve was invincible. Not virtually, actually. There was enough evidence to support her view. The man  _had_  been declared dead for seventy years only to be discovered hibernating in the ice. Before that he had led the charge that had all but wiped out HYDRA, and since then he had led the defense against an alien invasion. The only time she had seen him anywhere near hospitalized was before he awoke from hibernation. To discover there was someone who could be a threat to Captain America was more than a little disconcerting.

The buzz of the burner phone hidden in her inside jacket pocket brought her out of her reverie. She reached in and pulled it out and flipped it open. There was no need to check the incoming number, she had bought this phone for the sole purpose of this call and would dissemble it and destroy it after this call was finished.

"Professor, thank you for calling," she said, knowing full well the tension couldn't be hidden from her voice.

"Of course."

The man's soft accented voice, she supposed, usually served to sooth nerves, it did not help her at all.

"I was surprised to receive your package this morning, Deputy Director," he continued.

Maria sighed internally.

"I really couldn't think of anyone else who could help," she told him.

There was a brief pause at the other end.

"It wasn't sent through usual SHIELD channels," he commented.

"I don't trust the usual channels at the moment, Professor."

She decided to be as honest as she could. She needed answers quickly.

"I see," he said.

"Do you think you can help?" she asked.

"What is the purpose of your search?" he asked, and Maria couldn't blame him for being suspicious.

"It's not SHIELD related, if that's your concern," she told him.

"So personal?" he asked.

"I can't assure you SHIELD will not eventually involve themselves in the situation," she said. "But they are not right now."

"What assurances can you give me that no harm will befall this person if he does indeed turn out to be a mutant," he asked.

"If he is harmless, I will do everything in my power to protect him," she said, trying to force the image of Steve's body lying on the road outside Milan from her mind. "But if he continues to hurt people, I will bring the full wrath of SHIELD down on him."

There was a longer pause, but Maria didn't regret her words. He might as well know where he stood with her up front, then he couldn't make accusations against her when she did just that after she got the information she needed from the man who had taken Steve.

"Understood," the man said. "I will try to locate him and see if he will meet with me."

It was the best Maria could hope for, and better than anything she could do herself.

"Contact me at the second number on the list when you have something," she said. "This number will no longer be in service."

"I will," he said. "Hopefully soon."

"Thank you, Professor Xavier," Maria said.

Then she turned off the phone and began to pull it apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yeah, I guess that's me shaking my fist at annoying copyright laws hindering Marvel movies. :D

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Well, that was just a little clean-up from the last story. I needed to make them happy again, huh? At least until I make them miserable, also again. :D
> 
> So, I have the first few chapters done, as well as the epilogue. I normally wait until it's almost completely done but I've been putting off writing this coz I am trying to write more action in this story and it hasn't been easy for me. I'm more of an inner thoughts/turmoil kind of person, I guess. :D Anyway, hopefully having a deadline will motivate me. I'll be posting one chapter a week so I can have time to work on the later chapters.
> 
> Please, stop by my dreamwidth. Been trying to post more articles and helps on writing and stuff I'm learning about writing. And tons of Arrow videos as that is my new obsession. :) captainhillshipper dot dreamwidth dot org


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